I've been wracking my brain trying to decide what type of post would be most appropriate for my special guest appearance at The Muqata. I have decided to dig deep into my bag of tricks (AKA posts that I haven't yet gotten around to writing), and have come up with a post that I was saving for my own blog - Israel Perspectives, but since it was the brainchild of Jameel (along with a Hat-Tip to Strong Bad) I will announce the grand opening of the Kitzoni Cafe on the screen of The Muqata.
We all know how it is... After a long day of "grabbing hilltops", blocking roads, constructing "illegal outposts", refusing orders, and 'uprooting "Palestinian" olive trees, you just need a place to unwind - a place where everyone (not just the Shabak) knows your name - a place where you can feel at home (until the IDF comes to "disengage" you)...
Welcome to the Kitzoni Cafe!
Here's our current lunch-special:
For those of you in the mood for a good piece of meat, how about our
Blood(thirst)y Settler Steak - rare, of course, with some Fundamentalist Fries on the side?
You can wash it down with our pareve Occupa-ccino - a taste of home, even if it that home really doesn't belong to you...
Here are some of the other items on our menu:
* Hamas with Ful (or Bassar) - with fresh olive oil from... that's right - recently uprooted "Palestinian" olive trees.
* Menachem Begil w/ a (Yitzchack) Shamir
* Kahane Tza-Duck
* Fresh Filet of Bass-i
* The Benny Foot-e-Long Hotdog
* Levi Esh-Cola in a Dubi Weis-Glass that's always filled to the top...
* Sharm-El-(Milk)Sheik - We can hold the whip cream if you Are-A-Fat... err... on a diet.
* Hiz-Bowl-A-(Soup) with A-Ssad of salad.
* Histad-root Beer with Amir Peretzles on the side...
* Hebro-wnies - Who knew that 3,000 years of Jewish history could taste so good?!
* Supreme Court Justice Michael Ch-icken Wings - Bucket full of only the spiciest Right-wing(er)s!
* Ehud Ba-Rack of Lamb
* After Dinner Cara-Vela Mints
And, don't forget to bring your kids, where they can enjoy our special Hilltop Youth Menu!
Looking forward to seeing you all at the Kitzoni Cafe - located just to the Right of The Muqata.
If anyone asks, tell them that Jameel sent you...
Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael and Israel Perspectives
Kitzoni?! I said TZIYONI!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh well....serves me right ;-)
Great post, can I have one Histad-root Beer with Amir Peretzles on the side?
ReplyDeleteHillarious!
ReplyDeleteAre-A-Fat... I'm just cracking up.
LOL!
ReplyDeleteWhat? No vegetable wanton soup with vegetarian pork? No General Sharon's chicken?
ReplyDeleteOh, sorry, I was mistaking the Kitzoni Cafe for the Shanghaid Settler's Chinese Restaurant, located in a CaraPagoda at Nitzanim...
Truth.
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ReplyDeleteHeh. I've been waiting for this for a while, thanks to Strong Bad. My favorite is the Fundamentalist Fries.
ReplyDeleteWas about to express my horror about the Occupaccino and Bloodthirsty Settler Steak together, but then saw "pareve"...
ReplyDeleteI think you'll get a good few customers.
Alright The Yellow Dart
ReplyDelete... er Ezzie, you owe me, man. Can't nobody say Strong Bad never did nothing for the peoples.
That is the funniest thing I've read in a long time!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Thank you... Anything to keep Jameel's readers happy!
ReplyDeleteWho remembers the "Gong Show"?
ReplyDeleteDutch Girl: Do I detect a hint of jealousy that you weren't asked to guest post? ;-)
ReplyDeleteSharm-El-(Milk)Sheik - We can hold the whip cream if you Are-A-Fat... err... on a diet.
ReplyDeleteHey, with the rest of that fleishig, er... besari, menu, I hope you use SOY MILK in your shakes!!!
Lol, great post!!!
hilarious-very clever.
ReplyDeletewhat else is on the menu kitzoni café? Can I get a YESHA special cheese burger, hold the gaza tomatoes. Nu….. Kadima!
ReplyDeleteוואי וואי
ReplyDeleteאיזה כיף
כל הכבוד!
Outpasta to go, please?
ReplyDelete