tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post1060237360955840730..comments2024-03-27T07:01:13.725+02:00Comments on The Muqata: Finally. A Scientific Explanation of the Singles ProblemJameel @ The Muqatahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15890095633246557332noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-5943093480007744672010-09-24T21:57:15.426+02:002010-09-24T21:57:15.426+02:00this explanation are very interesting, when we are...this explanation are very interesting, when we are single there are many things that pass in our mind, sometimes the people feel stress because are single.<br /><a href="http://www.xlpharmacy.com/caverta/" rel="nofollow">Caverta</a> <a href="http://www.xlpharmacy.com/silagra/" rel="nofollow">Silagra</a>Kamagrahttp://www.xlpharmacy.com/generic-viagra/online.phpnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-77360706867117339922010-03-18T18:40:33.505+02:002010-03-18T18:40:33.505+02:00Anonymous wrote: If we weren't so concerned wi...<i>Anonymous wrote: If we weren't so concerned with "what the Goyim think", we would simply accept the Torah's permission to marry more than one wife. For those who are capable of treating them halachically correctly, it is a proper solution.</i><br /><br />What does this have to do with "what the Goyim think?" "The Goyim" think extramarital affairs and out-of-wedlock children etc. are all just fine, at least, that's the impression I get from watching the news.<br /><br />As for the multiple wife solution, well, <b>I'm</b> not sharing!<br /><br />I'm not helping the crisis in other ways either, so far our children run 3 girls for every boy, and another family in town has 8 girls and only 1 boy -- I think of other families that are similar, although I do know one girl (HS age) with 8 brothers.miriamphttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14339767447913960853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-3272513457730654782010-03-17T11:53:54.233+02:002010-03-17T11:53:54.233+02:00Anonymous: Commenter Abbi is not a Leftist.
Why a...Anonymous: Commenter Abbi is not a Leftist.<br /><br />Why are you attacking her? <br /><br />What the heck does your comment have to do with this post?<br /><br />Grow up.Jameel @ The Muqatahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15890095633246557332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-68232097986789874782010-03-17T11:23:08.713+02:002010-03-17T11:23:08.713+02:00JoeSettler- I'd like to see you tell Commenter...JoeSettler- I'd like to see you tell Commenter Abbi that she's a Leftist.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-15795125530681728022010-03-16T10:03:12.249+02:002010-03-16T10:03:12.249+02:00What Annie said does not seem so accurate to me, a...What Annie said does not seem so accurate to me, as even though boys have a very long course (army, yeshiva etc), more and more seem to be getting married young, while they are in the army, without taking into account whether they are able to support themselves.<br />All around we see boys of 21, 20 and 22 married while they are still in their army service.<br />However, more boys seem to be marrying girls exactly of their age, or just one year older.<br /><br />Another question, is who will support these young people getting married?<br /><br />Parents feel so pressurized when hearing about the singles problem you mentioned here, that they let their very very young kids marry, so at least they won't get left on the shelf.<br /><br />(So other side of this coin, which can be written about another time, is very very young couples getting married, while the boy is in the middle of army service, and groups of girls living like "grass widows" with their husbands coming home once every 2 weeks, e.g. there is a group in Eli)kerennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-34917000663935610862010-03-16T00:59:18.862+02:002010-03-16T00:59:18.862+02:00Anonymous: If we weren't so concerned with &q...Anonymous: <i>If we weren't so concerned with "what the Goyim think", we would simply accept the Torah's permission to marry more than one wife.</i><br /><br />It's too bad that Rabbeinu Gershom is no longer with us; you could have written him a letter reprimanding him for being "so concerned with 'what the Goyim think'".Lurkerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02712938121915827845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-88003960088632943312010-03-15T23:18:47.734+02:002010-03-15T23:18:47.734+02:00annie, supposedly the same problem is happening in...annie, supposedly the same problem is happening in NY, so any Israel only explanations probabbly are the wrong explanations.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-25700789300947842252010-03-15T21:43:27.178+02:002010-03-15T21:43:27.178+02:00If we weren't so concerned with "what the...If we weren't so concerned with "what the Goyim think", we would simply accept the Torah's permission to marry more than one wife. For those who are capable of treating them halachically correctly, it is a proper solution. Not that I want more than one mother-in-law...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-89399323293200766732010-03-15T21:24:47.946+02:002010-03-15T21:24:47.946+02:00Did I ever tell you about the guy I tried to set u...Did I ever tell you about the guy I tried to set up, who told the girl's side that he was "almost" 30 - he was rounding down.<br /><br />Or the fellow from Brooklyn who for years preferred girls - any girls - in college, over more appropriate possibilities? Finally at age 35 he told me he gave up on his hangup about what others would say about the kallah's age at his wedding.<br /><br />Which I believe is the key: "What will everyone else say" or more subtly, "What does everyone else think about who's appropriate for me?" And that gets people to be inappropriately picky, and subconsciously influenced toward the more typical set-ups.<br /><br />With magazines, technology - most people learn very quickly what their society thinks is a perfect spouse - it's just not their perfect spouse.Shiranoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-90411726750978816622010-03-15T20:41:55.818+02:002010-03-15T20:41:55.818+02:00I think a lot of the problem lies in the religious...I think a lot of the problem lies in the religious boys' long army service, particularly those who do hesder - 5 years in all - or those who do officers courses, which add on another year or 2 at the minimum. Meanwhile the girls have done their one or 2 years sherut leumi, have studied, and are ready to get married. They have seen a bit of the world and are more mature in a lot of ways than their male counterparts. <br /><br />I'm not sure where this argument goes from here, but it's something that must be taken into account in the religious community. <br /><br />Factor in also many boys studying many more years in yeshiva and you get a big subset of young males who are not ready financially or emotionally to get married. <br /><br />PS: as an aside, my elder son (hesdernik) got married to a girl 4 years older than himself (not a shidduch. A lovematch born out of the hitnatkut of all things). Several of his friends married older women too.anniehttp://discardedlies.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-86569048319447883452010-03-15T20:07:41.384+02:002010-03-15T20:07:41.384+02:00I don't buy it - the age gap theory has been a...I don't buy it - the age gap theory has been around for several years, but since the Jews are having less kids than they did 30 or 40 years ago you would think it would have been a problem 40 years ago - especially due to the fact that men married even younger women. Why is it just a problem in the last 10 years?Heshy Friedhttp://frumsatire.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-87516475582120370812010-03-15T20:04:03.580+02:002010-03-15T20:04:03.580+02:00To echo ProfK--if we are focusing on the issue of ...To echo ProfK--if we are focusing on the issue of older singles (not the 22 year olds)...it is the guys who tend to have the age hang-up. <br /><br />Regarding how men used to marry much younger women and how does that work with the numbers...a lot of the women died in childbirth, and the men would marry again.Gilahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13246089571573457394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-7562000607142435352010-03-15T18:35:12.559+02:002010-03-15T18:35:12.559+02:00Has anyone looked into Minhagim or other religious...Has anyone looked into Minhagim or other religious factors which make two Jews who should otherwise get married, end up not getting married?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-87708458688498824042010-03-15T18:13:21.007+02:002010-03-15T18:13:21.007+02:00I don't know if more men go OTD, but it's ...I don't know if more men go OTD, but it's true that more males are conceived, more men are born (though the ratio is lower than the conception ratio), and more men die in infancy. Then factor in the higher rate of male neurological disorders such as autism, Asperger's and ADHD.<br /><br />The chareidi acceptance of the age gap problem makes me want to reject it in a knee-jerk way, but I haven't done a population study to prove or refute it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-8264276704893092382010-03-15T18:13:08.358+02:002010-03-15T18:13:08.358+02:00How did I get dragged into this conversation? What...How did I get dragged into this conversation? What are you? One of the 39?<br /><br />I'm married and making sure to do my part to replace what Hitler destroyed.<br /><br />What's your problem exactly?JoeSettlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01232647820807408898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-29406673290532773682010-03-15T17:59:09.781+02:002010-03-15T17:59:09.781+02:00Is JoeSettler even married?
His wife must have a...Is JoeSettler even married? <br /><br />His wife must have a huge tolerance level for bulls#$%Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-47564583128774393032010-03-15T17:56:55.628+02:002010-03-15T17:56:55.628+02:00pps. I'm only trying to put this idea forward ...<i>pps. I'm only trying to put this idea forward to see if i can achieve a lower approval rating than Joe Settler (jk)</i><br /><br />Yitz: I've got an 84% approval rating. The only people that don't like me are the Leftists. (Who knew we had 39 of them reading the blog - they must have called in their friends to vote).JoeSettlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01232647820807408898noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-86017693505523906472010-03-15T17:36:53.613+02:002010-03-15T17:36:53.613+02:00SoccerDad:
Marrying someone the same age is likel...SoccerDad: <i><br />Marrying someone the same age is likely to lead to more unhappy marriages and just leave a different subset unmarried.</i><br /><br />Do you have any data to back that up? Even anecdotal evidence?<br /><br />Granted women do mature earlier than men, but maybe by their mid-20s, its not such an issue?<br /><br />Yitz: I read your comment scratching my head, till I got to the PS's - LOL :)<br /><br />Seriously though, natural growth through the ages was less of an issue due to pogroms, inquisitions, crusades, infant mortality, etc.Jameel @ The Muqatahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15890095633246557332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-49599164214189364102010-03-15T17:30:30.589+02:002010-03-15T17:30:30.589+02:00There's a reason that men usually marry younge...There's a reason that men usually marry younger women: women mature faster. I'd guess that most young women would be ready to run a household by 19 or 20; would most young men? From what I see, I don't think so. (I know that was the case with me.) Obviously there are exceptions, but when you're dealing with trends what happens in most cases is important.<br /><br />Also, I'm not convinced that the birth rates for boys and girls are the same. Except in societies where baby girls are aborted in large numbers, there are more girls born than boys. (I believe that Jonathan Rosenblum wrote that it's 114 to 100 in the frum community. I think worldwide it's about 108 to 100.)<br /><br />Marrying someone the same age is likely to lead to more unhappy marriages and just leave a different subset unmarried.Soccer Dadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16142724823098073038noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-90094630422144506092010-03-15T17:30:02.382+02:002010-03-15T17:30:02.382+02:00My problem is this:
By your logic, in previous ge...My problem is this:<br /><br />By your logic, in previous generations when men were much older than the women they married, the problem should have been significantly worse. (40 yr old men marrying 12 and 13 yr old women)<br /><br />By your logic it would reach a point where huge portions of the female population would go unmarried -- was this ever the case historically?<br /><br />I think the answer to that question presents an alternative solution, the age-old (pre-Rabbeinu Gershom)solution: one man can marry more than one wife.<br /><br />That would very quickly create a situation where there aren't enough women to go around. and single men have to compete much more to woo a wife. (and would (possibly) more readily seek out a wife of any age at all)<br /><br />It would also probably lead to more childbirths. (between inter-wife competition,(read:Yaakov had 4 wives and 12 sons, Yitzhak and Avraham who had 1.3 wives (on average) each had 2 sons) and the fact that virtually all women would be married)<br /><br />Just saying.<br /><br />ps. I'm not suggesting that *I* should marry more than one wife -- my wife would kill me :)<br />pps. I'm only trying to put this idea forward to see if i can achieve a lower approval rating than Joe Settler (jk)yitzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05866660855678077639noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-88883651609880560822010-03-15T17:20:40.471+02:002010-03-15T17:20:40.471+02:00Dov; Its definitely not about age, yet its been pr...Dov; Its definitely not about age, yet its been programmed into our society that women expect older men...and therefore people won't even bother matchmaking older women to men (if if they may be the perfect match)Jameel @ The Muqatahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15890095633246557332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-42115481488208618862010-03-15T17:20:17.878+02:002010-03-15T17:20:17.878+02:00Another factor that may apply generally and to tho...Another factor that may apply generally and to those more to the right religiously is that of when women are encouraged to get married. If you are marrying off women 20 and under those women are going to be looking for men older than they are who can already make a living and support a family.<br /><br />My experience as a shadchan at least anecdotally shows that women are more amenable to marrying someone their own age or even younger (depending on how old the woman is). It's the men who have more of a hangup about marrying an older woman or even one their own age.ProfKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17954446826821665314noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-87147565801253135442010-03-15T17:17:31.499+02:002010-03-15T17:17:31.499+02:00This has been discussed for a few years among char...This has been discussed for a few years among chareidi writers, such as <a href="http://www.jewishmediaresources.com/1034/too-many-girls-for-too-few-boys" rel="nofollow">this article,</a> and was declared fact by the kol koreh <a href="http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/2.jpg" rel="nofollow">here.</a><br /><br />But as I once commented <a href="http://achaslmaala.blogspot.com/2009/10/good-news-more-it-gets-better-more-it.html?showComment=1256209764867#c8382892536170967007" rel="nofollow">here</a> it's not really accurate, because a slight percentage more boys are born than girls out of most population samples. So it takes a several year average age gap to account for the singles scene after compensating for the skewed birth rates.<br /><br />In any case, I think we should encourage our kids to marry with a lot of thought and consideration about the person they're marrying, and not about ages.Bruce Krulwichhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16506129141459374630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-22813480802706885812010-03-15T17:17:15.592+02:002010-03-15T17:17:15.592+02:00Hersh: Thanks for that video!
It identifies the s...Hersh: Thanks for that video!<br /><br />It identifies the same issue (but my post doesn't have the dramatic music in the background).<br /><br />Additionally -- it only suggests "closing the age gap" -- I think we need to go further than that, because we'll never full close it, ever.<br /><br />If we reverse the age gap, then things have a chance of equalizing.Jameel @ The Muqatahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15890095633246557332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13539920.post-7641600424991753352010-03-15T17:12:02.420+02:002010-03-15T17:12:02.420+02:00People set their friends up all the time -- perhap...People set their friends up all the time -- perhaps the recommendation is more for the matchmakers?Jameel @ The Muqatahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15890095633246557332noreply@blogger.com