Terror Attack in the Shomron. Jews killed.

It's very late now, close to 3:30 AM since we changed the clocks tonight in Israel. I'm sitting at my laptop wanting to spill my guts into my blog, and rant and rage at the terrorist attack in the Shomron this evening.

A terrorist dressed up as a Chareidi, Ultra Orthodox Jew, hitchhiked with a car full of Jews who were just trying to do the right thing. Bus service in the Shomron is pretty sparse, and eveyrone gives hitchhikes to everyone...sort of like instant gemillut chasten. At the entrance to the Kedumim settlement, the terrorist detonated himself, blowing up the car and killing 4 Jewish civilians.

It hurts so much going to funerals of terror victims...and I've gone to far too many over the past 15 years.

Yet, I need to look deep down inside me, find the strength, and continue on with determination. This won't deter us from continuing to live our lives here; it only strengthens our resolve, and we aren't leaving.

I knew the driver.

Baruch Dayan HaEmet.

Shabbat Shalom.

Jameel

The Muqata.


Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Matza Man

If you haven't gotten this in email yet...click the picture for Pesach flash animation.

Chodesh Tov!


Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Dirty Little Secrets: Israel's Military Censor

Yesterday I posted about the Israeli Election day Gaza-launched Katyusha missile attack against Ashkelon in southern Israel. Fellow blogger Don Radlauer raised some issues about the accuracy of some of the details in my posting, as well as questioning the media blackout on the Katyusha incident. After finding the HaAretz article about the issue, we see that there was a media blackout, but Don adds:

"I rather doubt that yet another missile that failed to injure anyone or cause any damage would have significantly changed the election results even if it had been reported the day before"

Now, in my opinion HaAretz is a leftwing newspaper. They openly flaunt leftwing political viewpoints and many of their staff writers have clear political agendas. HaAretz apparently considers the "blackout" to be valid because they blandly justify the use of military censorship!

Although some of the media knew a Katyusha had been fired, the military censor did not allow publication of the report until 8 P.M., thus lessening any possible effect on voting patterns. Israeli right-wingers had been warning of Katyusha rockets from the Gaza Strip for a long time.

Now, I respect Don alot - he moved to Israel, lives in a seam-line community, and has a decent blog even if I don't agree with all his views. This is not a rant against him...rather, I'm rather happy he pointed me to the HaAretz article, since the ramifications are extraordinary (even though Don thinks I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, yet you'll soon see why I disagree).

Since when does the IDF military censor have the authority to censor articles which could possibly "influence voting patters"? The IDF is (supposedly) an apolitical organization -- they are not allowed to make political-based decisions. Since when does the IDF censor's job description include managing "voting patterns" in Israel?

Actually, it's even more amazing that HaAretz printed this. They view the possible external influence of voting patters as an acceptable reason for a media blackout on a very news-worthy issue, and allow the military censor to get away with it.

Why do you think HaAretz considers this censor-worthy?

Could it possibly be because the voting patterns could ONLY be influenced in a way that would drive people to vote more rightwards (as has historically been shown in the past, by terror attacks near election time).

And who was the IDF hiding this information from? The Palestinians certainly knew they fired the Katyusha, so we weren't hiding the information from THEM!

Let's go one step further:

Can you imagine for a second, what would have happened if say (G-d forbid)...a single, lone, religious settler opened fire on a mosque full of Palestinians. Such an action would surely affect voting patterns, don't you think?

It would shock voters out of their complacency and they would vote in droves for Olmert and Leftwing parties as a backlash against "settler extremism." The media have a field day about the dangers of radical settler extremism, radical religious Judaism, and how they need to be "taken care immediately."

Now, can you imagine for a second that the IDF military censor would impose a media blackout on this attack so as not to "influence voting patterns"? Let's take that one step further, can you imagine HaAretz not being in an uproar over a media blackout on THAT story?

If this doesn't strike fear into the hearts of honest, democracy-loving people who value freedom of speech, then I don't know what will.

Let's tone this post down a few notches:

The Israeli media has "dumbed down" the general Israeli population about security issues of this nature; "if no one is killed, it's barely news". Twenty years ago, a Katyusha attack like this would have been headline news.

Today the story is of little importance. Yet, someone took enough trouble to keep this story censored till 8:00 PM, when the effect on the "voting patterns" would be close to nothing. Don is correct -- the media blackout ended on this issue at 8:00 PM (I only heard this on the news around 10:00 PM), yet the entire point of the blackout was to prevent any possible influence on the voting patters. And HaAretz confirmed it.

I guess the IDF deemed that the election day killing of 2 Bedouins in southern Israel by a Palestinian launched Qassam rocket would not influence voting patterns, so that story wasn't censored. Good thing it didn't rain too much that day, or they may have censored the weather report as well.

I wonder what other dirty little secrets were/are kept from the Israeli voting population to prevent any possible shift in our perception of events?

Gotta go, seems like the IDF military censor is knocking at my door right now...



Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Israel's Solar Eclipse

A 82% solar eclipse enveloped Israel in sudden darkness Wednesday. The eclipse began at 11:37 AM, peaked at 12:58, and lasted until 2:13 PM.

As Israel digested the results of Tuesday's election, the sky went dark, the sun was slowly blocked out, temperatures dropped and animals howled, barked and crowed across the Land of Israel. (from Arutz-Sheva)

At work, a bunch of us astronomy geeks went outside complete with a special sun-viewer to watch the eclipse. Besides the actual view of the sun and eclipse, it was very cool watching it get dark outside. See Gemara Sukka 29B...its metaphysically good for the Jewish people, (GH: That's not physics, it's metaphysics)











Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Post Election Analsys...and Sinister Undercurrents

Tuesday morning, Israeli election day. Southern Israel, 11:36 AM. One of the numerous electronic devices on my belt informs me that: Palestinians Fire Katyusha Rocket at Ashkelon.

Previous Prime Minister Yitchak Rabin's promised that Katyusha rockets would never be fired at southern Israel from Gaza... and he said such talk was total nonsense of the hysterial right.

Ariel Sharon said the same thing before the Disengagement.

I was reminded of Yossi Sarid's remarks from 12 years ago:

"A Palestinian state that endangers Israel," declared Yossi Sarid, the Meretz Party leader, "will cease to exist." Sarid actually added that "if one katyusha [Soviet-made rocket] falls on [the Israeli town] Kfar Sava, then [the Arab town] Qalqilya will cease to exist."

Sarid was lying then, just as Olmert is lying now.

Promises, Promises, Promises.

Most Israelies don't bother believing the promises of Israel's politicians anymore, which is why yesterday's voting turnout of 57% was the lowest in Israel's history.

Their promises are worthless.

But for "someone" to impose a media blackout on the Katyusha attack information till 10 PM last night, AFTER the polls had closed? Who would want this information kept from the public? What possible reason could there be to censor such information from the voting Israeli public that a Katyusha missile had been fired at Ashkelon from Gaza? This should be a serious warning of what Olmert and Quadima are capable of doing to manipulate public opinion.

As I've lamented before in the past, Israel has no clue how to negotiate. (except for Amir Peretz, but we don't like him). Olmert already announced that he's willing to evict Jews from the "land we love"...and Abu Mazan should come a' running to discuss it with us.

What better way to start a negotiation, than to openly declare up front what painful concessions Israel is prepared to give up? This is basic negotiation blunder number #1. Israel's lack of PR is blunder #2 -- you can thank Shimon Peres, who in 1993 shut down the PR/hasbara department of the Foreign Ministry, claiming that Israel's peace accords with the Palestinians will be our "PR department." Another genious.

Election Analysis

If you examine the pre-election polling information, not one company put support for Quadima at less than 32 seats.

In fact, only 2 bloggers (that I know of) put the "real" numbers on their blogs: The Muqata...and Rock of Galilee...and we both hit the Kadima number spot on.

(granted, we both overestimated Likud, but that was wishful thinking)

Avigdor Liberman's (Yisrael Bayteinu/National Home) party gained 12 seats at the expense of the Likud, and alot of the diehard Likud people I spoke to yesterday all confirmed that they had switched from Likud to Liberman.

The big surprise was the pensioner's party...that's it. Nothing else was really surprising. The potential right-wing/religious is 51 seats, and that's expected after Sharon destroyed the Likud party.

What's interesting is that even with the pensioners, the Left only has 59 seats (excluding the Arab parties), so they'll be faced with the same dilemma they faced in '92. Will Shas be willing to be the Left's fig leaf once again? For enough money and Misrad HaP'nim, probably, but it's less clear this time 'round. (hattip: RK)

So where do we go from here? Olmert got a lot less seats than he had been dreaming of, and he overshot his promises to cronies and hacks about potential government seats. Expect a boat-load of bickering and backstabbing in the Quadima party.

In Israel, the night after an election disaster (such as Quadima's under 30 seat showing, or Likud's miserable showing), is often reffered to as: "the night of long knives." This is when the proverbial knives come out and everyone stabs everyone else in the back. Expect Silvan "Steve Goodbye" Shalom to be sharpening his against Bibi Netanyahu.

At the end of the day, I think Palestinian terror, and internal political strife is going to keep Israel too preoccupied from additional disengagements in the near future.

Time will tell.

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Sign of the Times.

hattip: JoeSettler

Nothing personal...I'm sure there are lots of nice people in Teaneck, but there are lots more 5T bloggers who read the Muqata. (And all I did was post the photo, it came from someone else.)


Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Election Predictions.

The Muqata's Israeli Election Prediction is as follows:

Quadima: 28
Labor: 22
Likud; 20
Yisrael Bayteinu; 12
NU/NRP: 12
Shas: 11
Arabs: 5
Degel/Aguda: 4
Meretz:4
Alei Yarok: 2




Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

The Muqata's Endorsement

It's officially election day now in Israel and the polls will be opening around the country in less than 7 hours.

There are 2 forces pulsing through the country on this election day:

1. Extreme voter apathy and disenchantment with the Knesset and government.

2. Dread. The sword upon your neck sort of feeling... This election may very well determine who will be disengaged from their homes. In fact, it almost reminds me of the feeling before Yom Kippur.

It is therefore with great trepidation that I write this blog posting now. The stakes are very high on a national level. People rarely understand the extreme nature of Israeli politics; it's literally a matter of life or death.

Will the government make forced political concessions to Palestinians, instruct the IDF to remove certain key roadblocks, and then within hours the next terror attacks take place claiming the lives of innocent civilians of all ages?

Will additional Jewish residents of Israel be forcibly removed from their homes -- and be treated as traitors by the government and media, thrown to the dogs, lose their livelihoods, and receive minimal compensation (as the public is convinced that every family is receiving $500,000)?

Will the economy stay a free market capitalist enterprise? Will the Labor Union party impose socialist policy on previously profitable companies?

Will the Jewish character of Israel remain, or will there be true separation of Religion and State? Will Israel change the "Who is a Jew?" status to include anyone who believes they are Jewish, regardless of any historical or religious basis?

Will the State stop funding public religious schools?

These questions all exist on a national macro level.

And in my own selfish little world, I may find myself, my friends, and brothers evicted from our homes the same tragic way as this past summer.

I already wrote my list of party eliminations, and now the time comes to make an endorsement.

The bottom line is that only 3 parties are honestly capable of being the core, anchor party of any coalition government.

Quadima

Labor

Likud

Quadima is the non-ideology party. Last week, even before Meir Shitreet opened up his mouth and announced today that he is proud of Quadima being the party with no ideology, I wrote that Quadima is the party of the non-thinking Israeli. My friend Ben-Chorin has an excellent analysis of the corruption and anti-democratic backbone of Olmert and Quadima. This was the party that publicly announced that no inquiry was necessary for the violence in Amona. I hope this party quickly ends up in the historical garbage bin of failed Israeli parties.

Labor's big slogan has been "tough on security" -- they will be tough on Hamas. Don't believe a word of it. The last time Labor was tough on anything was when Rabin evicted Hamas terrorists to Lebanon in 1994. 12 years ago was the last time Labor was tough on Palestinian terror. They will bend over backwards to work out a deal/treaty/agreement with any terror organization, as long as they claim they are making peace-process progress. When the current intifada erupted in September 2000, there were dozens of interim cease-fires with the Palestinians which were naively fostered by the Labor party. Not one lasted more than a week, and it gave the terrorists ample time to reload, rearm, regroup, and laugh at us for being so naively stupid to believe their cease fires. In the economic sphere, the Labor Union party is a free market capitalist's worst nightmare.

That leaves us with the Likud. This party was torn apart by Ariel Sharon -- once a proud party of center/right Israeli politics, it was destroyed, along with the right wing majority by the Sharon family. (Again, see ben-Chorin's erudite analysis). Luckily for the Likud, the vast majority of its self-serving politicians bolted from the party and fawned after Quadima.

While Benjamin Netanyahu may not be the darling of the right, and may be susceptible to external pressures to capitulate to the Palestinians, the Likud and Netanyahu are the only political party and leader with any potential of leading the formation of a right-wing Knesset coalition (assuming the best possible scenario and the rightwing/religious receive a 61 seat majority).

This does not leave me with a warm and fuzzy feeling. The Likud has mostly abandoned political ideology for uber-pragmatism, yet still remains the only possible alternative to attempt the formation of a rightwing coalition.

To be honest, I could bash a whole slew of parties on a variety of issues. But what's the point?

If you want to vote for Marzel (who may or may not pass the minimum voting percentage), or the National Union/NRP-Mafdal, Yisrael Beitaynu, Aguda or Shas -- I'm not going to convince you otherwise, since they are all potential right wing coalition partners.

Yet without a core, anchor party, there can be no hope for a right wing government.

therefore, I will vote with my head and not with my heart, and cast my ballot for the Likud party this morning.

Yet the Yom Kippur feeling fails to dissipate, and the enormity and difficulty of our situation in Israel leaves me very anxious.

At the end of the day, I would still rather face the music here in Israel, with the bitter and the sweet, as we actively participate in molding the future of Jewish history.

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Pre-Pesach Sales in America

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Remembering.

There's an old Jewish Jewish custom to have a remembrance in your home of the destruction of the Jewish Temple 2000 years ago -- and many have a 1.5 foot x 1.5 foot unpainted square as a reminder. No Jewish home should be "complete" as long our national and religious aspirations haven't been fully realized.

During this past summer's disengagement, we helped out some friends from Neve Dekalim, and packed up their home after they had been "officially" thrown out of it. In less than 12 hours, we took their entire home of 16 years and packed it into boxes. We took apart all their closets, bookcases, and wrapped their breakfront, dining room table and chairs in plastic.

The hardest part was taking down the mezuzot off the door frames, and tearing kriya before leaving.

That was this past summer.

Our friends visited us this past shabbat and noticed an addition to the unpainted remembrance in our home -- a small snippet of an anti-disengagement orange ribbon nailed into the unpainted space on the wall.

And on the nail are the keys to their front door, from their home in Neve Dekalim, Gush Katif.

We try not to forget.

Here's a posting I found tonight on another blog as well.

Politics aside, elections aside, it is inconceivable that seven months after the disengagement, these people are still being treated with such malice by the Israeli government.

Elections are coming up in less than 58 hours, and its still not clear who to vote for. Never before has it been so difficult to decide on who to vote for, who not to vote for, and what is the best possible outcome of the election.

Our guests and I decided that regardless of the outcome of the election there is still a tremendous amount of work to do and the challenges that await us are daunting.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll blog my answer of who to vote for.

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

OnlyBLOGsimchas.com - mazal tov to serandez

Mazal Tov to SerandEz and the birth of a baby daughter on Erev Shabbat!

Shavua Tov,

Jameel & co.
The Muqata

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Outting the Parody Spoofers -- The LIST!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the JBlogosphere -

Here is the list of the parody spoofers...and the blogs they spoofed. Not all of the bloggers want public credit for their masterpieces, and some haven't replied back yet, but I'll update the list if and when more bloggers come forward.

I would like to personally thank each and every one of them for their enthusiasm, cooperation, good humor, and tact (this potentially could have deteriorated very quickly into a mud slinging festival, but the true spirit of Purim fun came through brightly and entertainingly)

Special thanks to Ifyouwillit, the in-house Muqata extreme JBlog graphic designer, and a very very special thanks to that anonymous blogger who spent agonizing hours working on the blogger templates. If it weren't for that publicity shy anonymous blogger, I don't think this would have been as fun as it was. Plus, the purim templates will be ready for next year :)

I enjoyed myself immensly, despite losing many hours of sleep over this project, and look forward to next year's spoof event.

However, there are many more fun and exciting collaborative JBlog projects coming up from the Muqata...and you don't want to miss them!

And now...the list: (scroll down to see it. I have no clue why all this white space is here. If you know why, please drop me an email how to fix it...thanks!)

Blogger	Spoof Blog
AirTime	Orthomom, StepIma
Publicity Shy	Bethlehem Ghetto
Mirty	Jack's Shack
StepIma	Mirty's Place
A - The Israeli Tour Guide	Going Slightly Mad (TAFKAPP)
Swiftthinker	AirTime
AbbaGav	JudeoPundit
Jak Black	Harry Maryles (Emes v'Pshara)
SerandEz	DovBear
Batya	Mirty's CodeScraper
Robbie	SerandEz
Godol Hador	Mar Gavriel
Elie	SoccerDad
Krum	Godol Hador
Publicity Shy	Israel Perspectives
Phishaliya & BEC	The Muqata
BEC	West Bank Blog
Phishaliya	Oleh Girl
Ifyouwillit	JeruGuru
Publicity Shy	The Rabbi's Kid
Jameel	Treppenwitz, Lost in BEC's Universe
StepIma, Jameel	AskShifra
No Clue	Steg
Publicity Shy	Krum
Oleh Girl	Balagan
TAFKATPP	Tales of an Israeli Tour Guide
(waiting for confirmation)	Chardal
Litvshe	Amshinover
DovBear	Crossed Currents.
Jerusalem Cop	First Dates
Orthomom	Renegade Rebbitzen
Lipman	Lipman
Must Gum	Female Frum Struggle
Mega-Anonymous*	DatingMistress, Jerusalem

(*will cost lots of cash)

PS: We'll award the CRIBS next week as soon as the graphics are done...

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Outting the spoofer contest - updated!

So far, one blogger sent me a list with 7 correct answers (his 8th one didn't really count since it included him). Therefore, I'll help you all out abit...but raise the list to 15. Here's a list of the bloggers who parodied the sites.

Match 15 of them, and you win the picture! (you can post your results in a comment)

I've already been offered $50 for the picture, but I think its worth alot more ;-)

The list of contributors: (some are missing since they requested to remain anonymous)

AirTime
Mirty
A - The Israeli Tour Guide
Swiftthinker
AbbaGav
Jak Black
Ezzie Goldish
Batya
Robbie
Godol Hador
Elie
Krum
Phishaliya
StepIma
BEC
Ifyouwillit
Jameel
Oleh Girl
TAFKATPP
Litvshe
DovBear
Jerusalem Cop
Orthomom
Must Gum

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Can you "out" the Purim Spoofers?

After spending way too much time this evening on the official list of "who spoofed who" during the first annual JBlogosphere Purim Parody Festival, I was convinced to hold off on posting the list, and ask you, the JBlogosphere, if you can guess and "out" who you think did each parody...

The entire list of Purim blogsites is on the Muqata Purim blogroll to your right.

Guess ten correctly out of the whole list, and you'll win a picture of me, Jameel, dressed up in my pre-purim costume (definitely going to be a big seller on ebay...and it has NOT been digitally modified by Photoshop)

In any event - I'm posting the whole list of spoofers (those that won't mind getting credit) on Thursday afternoon, Israel Time.

Good Luck!

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Doing the right thing.

With all the mud-slinging of the upcoming Israeli elections, its always refreshing to take a step back and see the larger picture. Yes, the elections bring out the worst of many people, including the media which loves to tar and feather anyone to the right of Shimon Peres. But once in a while -- you see or hear of something so correct, so perfect, it gives a much needed idealism recharge.

This past shabbat the Muqata family spent the weekend visiting close family in a different West Bank village. We don't see them that often, but immediately noticeable were the haircuts on my 2 oldest nieces, aged around 7 and 10 -- their hair was cut VERY short. They used to have very long hair and "poof" both of them had their hair cut short, almost tomboyishly short.

Their mother told me they came home from school one day and on their own initiative, asked to get short haircuts.

"What's wrong with your long, beautiful hair?" their mother asked.

"Nothing at all...we just want to donate our hair to other kids who have cancer, and have lost their own hair. This way, they can get wigs made out of our hair..."

And they did just that.

When the hairdresser heard that the girls wanted short haircuts so that they could donate their hair, he insisted on cutting their hair for free, since he also wanted a share in the mitzva.

My nieces now have short hair, and some kids with cancer undergoing radiation treatment or chemotherapy now have wigs so they can feel less self conscious.

...מי כעמך ישראל


Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Megilla MEME...in time for Pesach?

DovBear received the mesorah from RenReb and started the "What were you thinking about during the Megilla reading...MEME"

Granted, Purim was a week ago, and now Pesach is looming ahead, but since I was tagged by Chana, The Curious Jew, Chardal and WestBankMama, I'll try to recall what I was thinking.

1. Who legalized C4 plastic explosives for kids to use whenever Haman's name is mentioned? I have never heard such a loud explosion in my life as this past Purim megilla reading. Next year, its not going to happen.

2. If only I would review the leining, I would be able to lein megilla for my wife making all our lives alot easier. The Mrs. @ The Muqata even bought me a megilla for my 30th birthday, and I have no excuse. Hopefully next year. (Yes dear, you can quote me)

3. Is there anything blog-worthy I can extract from this experience of hearing megilla reading? Not really. But I do have to finish those parodies...and maybe even think of an award for the best ones. (note: Tuesday, today is the last day to vote for the CRIB awards)

I'm not tagging anyone with this MEME, since Purim's long gone, and there will be many more MEME's coming up anyway. The 4 Questions Pesach MEME. The 25 Dayeinu MEME. The 49 Days of the Omer MEME...



Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

When the Gedolim call Jameel.

On my way to work this morning, I got a call from a Godol.

He's not a godol hador, or THE Godol Hador...but he's one very serious Jew.

When I think of friends of mine who are seriously committed to learning Torah, this person is in the top 2. Come to think of it, he's probably #1. He works for a living, and still finds the time to learn all the time, and ensures that many others do as well. It's really a privledge to be counted among his friends.

He's so serious that he never reads my blog, (or others!) even when I point them out to him. Well, maybe once in a while, but very rarely.

He called me today on my way to work.

"To what do I owe the honor of this phone call," I asked.

"Rebbe, my Rebbe," he said on the phone..."who should I vote for in the upcoming Israeli election? I used to vote Gimmel (Agudah/Degel Hatorah)...but for this election, I really need your help...please give me some advice!"

Unlike Shiloh Musing's Batya, Ze'ev from Israel Perspectives, and JoeSettler, I haven't yet come out with an endorsement of who to vote for.

In the Muqata's yishuv, anonymous activists hung up pashkevilim, huge posters encouraging people NOT to vote. Incensed, other political activists tore the posters down (score one for freedom of expression).

We at the Muqata are definitely going to vote, but we haven't made up our minds yet.

Parties who we aren't voting for:

• Any party with Arabic letters in them, unless they say: جميل في المقاطعة
  
  
• Meretz. As much as I think social concerns are important, this is one party that thrives on the vilification of settlers and religious Jews. There is what to do about finding better solutions for the challenges of religion and state in modern Israel, but the solutions need to be found through respect, not hatred and anti-religious sentiment.
  
  
• Labor. Amir Peretz is known to the Muqata family as the "bad man with a mustache"...his Labor Union strikes routinely cancel nursery, kingergarten, schools, bus service, garbage collection, shuts down the airport, and shuts all government service agencies. This guy is in charge of making your life miserable. Granted, I'd prefer he negotiate with the Palestinians than Netanyahu, since Peretz never crosses his own red-lines, despite the billions of Shekels in damage he causes the Israeli economy, but that's no reason to vote for him. If the future PM is smart, they would add him to any negotiating team.
  
  
• Quadima. Sharon's party. Er, Olmert's party. This is the party for the non-thinking Israeli. Sharon created the party and never really explained what he was going to do. He did state outright that there would not be any more unilateral disengagements, but Olmert has already announced that he would implement a HUGE unilateral disengagement, which would probably include your's truly. Sharon is incapacitated and we have no idea what the real platform was supposed to be. Yet the party is sort of floating along, with an insane amount of alleged popular support. If you believe the polls, one out of four Israelies wants to vote for a party with no real platform, direction or solution. The best metaphor I've heard was the "villa in the jungle" party. They appeal to the villa-dweller and are ignore the jungle around them -- everyone feels good by near-sighted short term, radical measures which will probably lead to Qassam rockets landing on the villa.


• Shas. I'll take my chances on going to heaven with another party.


• Green Grass party This party wants to legalize marjiuana use. They have a great commerical of a guy going into a bar, getting rowdy, breaking a bottle and starting to threaten a woman with it. The police burst in and charge past the guy, and arrest some quiet person sitting in the corner smoking a joint. In any event, this party's not an option, nor is the cab driver's party.

We've managed to narrow the list. My friend needs an answer soon and he's counting on my Daas Torah to help him out...

More to follow.

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

The Return of Jameel

I'm back!

And what an interesting 2 days it was (Sunday/Monday)...an MDA Ambulance Driver/Senior EMT course at a hotel in the Jerusalem hills.

Besides the general review of anatomy, physiology, pathology, trauma and different cardio/respiratory/cardiovascular illnesses, we also practiced real life ambulance-type scenarios where a team of 3 goes out of the room, the instructor picks a person to be the victim, picks another 1 or 2 volunteers to be the hysterical spouse or siblings or relatives or neighbors to make our lives as difficult as possible, (the screaming, knife-throwing wife was rather scary), and then we have to deal with the scenario as effectively as possible....

We also practiced giving saline infusions to each other...which was rather painful. Of all the MDA EMT techniques I've had to do this is the only one I never had to do on a patient and therefore had the least practice with. I've had my share of CPR, trauma, car accidents, illnesses and the like, but I never had to give an infusion to anyone so I'm glad I got to practice today.

And then...the weirdest story occurred (with some minor modifications to protect the guilty). While talking to one of the senior EMT's who I've never met before, we started playing Jewish Geography.

He threw out a name and got a hit...I threw out a name and got a hit. We were pretty proud of ourselves.

My turn...I throw out the name of a blogger I know of who's sister lives in the same town as him, even though I don't really know the sister...and don't know the blogger that well either.

This was sort of like a weak softball lob that's not that serious to begin with. Little did I realize what I was getting myself into.

The anonymous blogger I was thinking of is one the dozens and dozens I've met in the virtual JBlogopshere and have been in touch with over the past 6 months.

The EMT and I are walking down the hall, who suddenly he stops in his tracks and stares at me. He says, "the person you know...his name is (lets use the generic name ...Fred)...how didn't I realize it before...you're so much like him!!"

"Huh? How am I like him?" I stammered.

He replied, "Well, for starters, you sort of look like him, but more than that, your mannerisms, your body language, the animated look you have when you describe things...there's an uncanny resemblance between you and Fred..."

All of a sudden, another person from the same town walks into the hall only hearing the last word of the above sentence, "Fred." He looks at me, and says, "Yeah...Fred...you're just like him...do you know him?"

I'm stunned.

He noted my shock and commented, "I hope you're not offended by the comparison...its just the resemblance is so uncanny..."

Now, these people don't know I blog at all...I don't think they know that "Fred" blogs at all, and yet, they made this totally strange connection between me and "Fred."

And based on WHAT?

We both blog, but they don't know that...they just found this uncanny comparison...

I wonder if I can assume the mannerisms of other bloggers around the planet?

Is this some sort of super-power I can use for the good of mankind? Or at least make some extra money from?

Or help someone make aliya?

This is definitely something to ponder.

And to my soul brother blogger out there -- I wasn't offended by the comparison, and I hope you aren't either....but it was still rather freaky!

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

OnlyBLOGSimchas.COM

The Muqata interrupts its short break to wish a huge mazal tov to STEPIMA and NJB on their engagement (first JBlog proposal on a BLOG!)

Mazal Tov to them both, and a shabbat shalom to all!

Jameel.

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

PS: I called the name "OnlyBlogSimchas.Com" First :)

Muqata Going Off-Line till Tuesday, March 21.

Hi All -

I'm exhausted.

The Purim Parody has taken a toll on my brain and I'm going off-line till Tuesday. Sunday/Monday is a MDA "hishtalmut" (advanced study refresher course) for medics and I don't think I'll have internet access from there.

We'll wrap up the CRIB awards, announce who parodied what (if the parody people don't want to remain anonymous), and get back to regular Muqata programming about Life in Israel, Politics in Israel, Why Aliya is for you (probably)...and see what other idea are brewing.

I can tell you this: the Purim Parody Carnival is just the tip of the iceberg of what's in store for the JBlogosphere...

(CRIB voting extended through Tuesday).

Shabbat Shalom.

Jameel.

The Muqata, Inc.

Promoting Aliya Since 1874.






Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

CRIB Awards

This season's Purim Carnival continues with the first annual Carnival Redux in Blox (CRIB) awards.

(special graphic coming soon!)

This year, there will be two CRIBs awarded. One, to the best parody. The second, to the best post.

Voting Ends on Friday, March 17 2006.

Click here to vote. (No cheating please...yeah right)

PARODY BLOGGERS: Now's your chance to send in your reason why you deserve a CRIB more than anyone else. Send it today and get it posted on your parody blog...ASAP.

What we did on Purim.

The Purim Parody roundup is NOT OVER. First of all, many blogs added additional parody posts the past few days, so you may want to re-check them via the blogroll.

Secondly, we couldn't just let the carnival fizzle out without a grandslam finish. Coming soon!

Here's a roundup of the past few days at the Muqata.

We tortured our guests who dropped by into dressing up for Purim -- and shamelessly took their pictures and posted them here. Here's one victim of our needless cruelty:

(note the annoying pink rabbit ears)

Purim itself was mellow and uneventful. Maybe I OD'd on Purim this year with all these parodies, making Purim itself slightly anti-climactic.

I called a few friends, drove a bit to drop off some mishloach manot to relatives, friends, and relatives of friends. We ate the seuda with close friends across the street. Called Amshinover during his wild Purim party in Brooklyn - there was alot of background noise and it sounded like his place was a-hoppin'.

Calling friends up, new and old is a great way to keep life dynamic and fun...and as I read somewhere not to long ago, "Friendships are what makes life sweet," and I wholeheartedly agree.

On a personal note, I re-connected with a distant relative by email 2 years ago, and we emailed back and forth for a while -- sending pictures and the like. The last time I met him was probably when I was 3 years old.

He recounted all sorts of invaluable family history from a unique perspective that I never heard before (or was likely to ever hear again) and I planned on meeting him during one of my trips abroad. He died before I ever got to meet him, and in my stupidity, it never occurred for me to just pick up the phone and call!

While email and I'M may be great, it killed me that I never picked up the phone to just CALL him and say hi...I could have heard more in a 5 minute phone call than in 10 emails.

The Muqata was in the news alot yesterday, with Israel going into Yericho and nabbing some Palestinian terrorists (responsible for Rechavam Ze'evi's murder and the mastermind of the weapons smuggling boat, Karin-A).

Since Yericho was a walled city, they are celebrating Shushan Purim there today, albeit without the extra prisoners that the IDF extracted.

Happy Shushan Purim, and get ready for the big finale of the Purim roundups!


Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Purim @ Soccer Dad's

Who's your Soccer Daddy parodying Soccer Dad

With something like a 2-1,348 record as coach of my children's soccer teams why do I do it? Because it’s a great way to meet cute Soccer Moms! (Shhhh!)

Check out it out here: http://soccerdadpurim.blogspot.com

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Purim @ Step Ima's

Purim @ Step Ima's parodying http://stepima.blogspot.com/

The kids are coming over to my place…

Not all of them. Just teengirl and younggirl. NJD is taking the boys to a ballgame, but I can’t tell you which team they like, that would cut the anonymity thing really close, and I offered to have teengirl and younggirl come hang out with me. At my apartment.

Ack.


Cringe at it all over here: http://stepimapurim.blogspot.com

Purim @ Trippin' Witz

A Parody of the Treppenwitz blog.


Photo Tuesday (Vol. IVXQ) [Purim edition]

Since I like blogging about pictures around the holiday time, I thought to focus on Purim as well.

First of all, Purim is almost officially here... I spotted my first Hamantasch today! I was in the store picking up some stuff for Shabbat and I saw them sitting next to the cash register. For those who are already Hamatasch aficionados, here's a picture Zahava drew.


See it here: http://trippinwitz.blogspot.com

Sunday's Purim Roundup (part 1)

Today's batch of parody blogs is rather bizzarre and stil being updated by the Muqata staff around the globe. Some of these blogs you may not be familiar with, since there are many sub-communities within the jblogosphere.

Remember a parody blog isn't neccessarily funny by itself, but a parody of an existing blog's style and content. More to come tonight....

Purim @ bec's universe -- parodying bec's universe.

why we still live in america.

last year, i heard about this great vacation opportunity. now since phish and i rarely go on vacation, i was very excited when we heard that not only was this a great vacation, but it was virtually free! in fact, we would even get paid to go. This sounded way too good to be true, so i quickly called up to reserve a spot. granted there was a lot of paperwork to fill out for a simple vacation…but to israel? it was a dream come true.

read the rest over here: http://becsuniversepurim.blogspot.com/

Purim @ Israel Perspectives -- parodying http://israelperspectives.blogspot.com

Aliyah - Just Don't Do It

As everyone who knows me knows, I can go on and on for hours about Aliyah, Israel, and overall why it’s such a bad idea for Americans. I can also talk about adultery and certain forbidden feelings I may have at some point expressed to Jameel another blogger, but that is for another post and when I am less busy running for public office (though I don’t know if that might help or hinder my electoral chances) .

Let’s pretend for the moment that I would recommend moving to Israel. Oh I can’t, let’s get real. It’s so much better to visit Israel as a tourist or for business reasons than to actually move here and become a citizen. Who are we kidding?

Find out why Aliya is a bad move: http://israelperspectivespurim.blogspot.com


Purim @ Mevulgan -- parodying Balagan!

Moving Again. Beit Shemesh. Yeah, it's going to be cool.Lots of things happenning and I have to find time to pack and organize. Yeah, this is one more of the reasons I've been on the couch more than usual. Shabbat starts early in winter. Do you rememeber at the supermarket in Jerusalem I got given a rag to wear over my jeans? Yeah, couldn't stand it. Walked out. Made me really mad. Crazy as it sounds I've been thinking about that rag ever since. Was kind of a cool color, y'know? More I thought about it the more I knew I wanted to wear one all the time. So gonna move to a place where I can wear a rag over my jeans and no will will look at me funny. In fact, I knew it would happen, it was just earlier than I initially thought. Can't live in the middle of pure scum. And I also don't have strenghen to fight for it. So I'm leaving. It took me a long time to find an apartament and had many arguments with Mr. Secular, but I didn't care. Doesn't fit me, I'm just going without any dramas and that's it. Therefore next week I'm going to live SHOMER NEGIA, ladies and gentlemen. No more male flatmates to drive me crazy anymore.

Read the rest here: http://mevulgan.blogspot.com/

More Shiurim You'll never see.

Continuing the long line of Shiurim you'll never see, here's another one passed to me on moztei shabbat.


Hat-tip: Muqata Staff Writer's Forum

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Purim @ JudeoPundit

You got to get up pretty early on a Sunday Morning to parody Judeopundit...dontchya think?

Thursday, March 09, 2006
Songun Purim Linkim

This week, we have a special edition of Linkim hosted by my good friend and frequent contributor, none other than the Glorious and Revered Leader, Song Jun Il, I mean Jung Il-Sun, or...wait, no, that's right, Kim Jong-Il. Kim, or Mr. Il if you will, take it away:

Get them all here: http://notjpundit.blogspot.com/

A Purim Message on Erev Shabbat

While this may end up sounding like a parody of a parody, I just wanted to share a though I had this morning.

Why is Torah and Mitzvot referred to as "Ner Mitzva v'Torah Ohr" (Mitzvot are candles and Torah is light?) If a person wants to share a bag full of money with a thousand people, he will end up with nothing inside the bag. Yet a candle can give light to a thousand other candles, without the act of transferring light causing a reduction in the candle. Its exactly the opposite -- candles and light can give from themselves to others creating even more light.

Torah is the same thing.

To borrow a term from the GH, "Robbosai, its all about experience."

When you have a funny thought in your head and you share it with someone else, it doesn't diminish it in the slightest, but rather increases the happiness in the world.

While I have gotten many compliments on this purim parody idea this week, (and compliments are always nice), the satisfaction of being able to share a good idea, a funny idea, a laugh with others (especially for the mitzva of purim) -- the act of sharing is (for me) the best part.

So, at the risk of sounding too sappy, this Purim, make sure you pass on a laugh to someone else. Bring a smile to their face too -- make this a great Purim for as many people as you can!

Fine. Now I've done it. I'm actually about to be blogging during the 18 minutes after candlelighting and I didn't shower yet. My wife will be lighting candles shortly so I'm logging off now.

I'm a dead man, so I'll end this here.

Shabbat Shalom from the Muqata and see you back here next week.

Many more blogs to go!

Jameel.







Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael, even if its almost the 18 minutes before shabbat

Purim @ Screams of a TourGuide

Purim with your favorite Israeli Tour Guide! (parody of this blog)


I despair

I have a new group here, and I think their stupid questions over a mere 24 hours definitely set a new record for ridiculous:


Is that Coke Machine a genuine relic of Herodian times?

Why won't this payphone accept my quarter?

Was the Davidson Center named after someone in the Temple?

Is Israel in Jordan or is Jordan in Israel?

I brought 75 K-Mart Toilet Brushes with me as a gift from my Federation. Can you recommend somewhere for us to go and distribute them?

Read the rest of valiant guide "A"s trials and tribulations at http://purimtourguide.blogspot.com/

Purim @ Chardal's

OK...its 3:00 in the freaking morning. I've been working on blog templates since 11. I NEEEED to go to sleep. But...had to post this one. Just one more...just one more. We have about 6 more blogs which I hope to post on motzei shabbat or sunday.

Please note, the following parody (IMHO) are NOT mean spirited. The point of these parodies is to accentuate and exaggerate, but NOT to offend. Happy Purim.

Shabbat Shalom!

Jameel,

The Muqata, Inc.

DovBearism in the news

The headline on jpost reads "DovBear doesn't rule out meeting Hamas during visit"

And in my previous post I quoted R-v K--k as saying that DovBearism was only about self-annihilation.

[UPDATE: I am NOT saying DovBear supports terror... OK, maybe I am.]


Read what some posted as a parody of chardal over here: http://chardalpurim.blogspot.com/

Purim @ Crossed-Currents

Brokeback Balabusta: On the Jews and their Movies

Filed by Toby Katz @ 8:18 pm
8 bAdar

Responding to my platonic friend Yitzchak Adlerstein’s post about that cowboy movie, some typical by-product of a clueless, mixed-race, public education sent me the following tasteless joke:

“What’s the big deal about this movie? I head three yungerleit from Telz were killed in the rush for tickets!”

Disgusting, and further proof that secular, Jewish, liberals are driving America down the tubes, despite the fact that Republicans have been in command of Congress for 12 years, and currently control all three branches of government.

Movies like Brokeback Mountain which degrade traditional cowboy values and glorify unconditional love make it very clear that we are a long way from the days when Hollywood could be counted on to make fine, moral movies like Bambi and Birth of a Nation.

Got the stomach for more? Its all here: http://notcrosscurrents.blogspot.com/

Purim @ AirTime's

I can almost taste it

Veev's sister, Leez, is visiting us for Shabbos. She is from NJ, but works for YU, and travels around the country, interviewing prospects and answering questions parents have.

Yesterday she was in Chicago, and stopped off at Ken's Diner to pick me up a Burger Buddy. In less than two hours, that Burger Buddy will make its way from the wrapping paper that Ken lovingly covered it with, pass through my teeth, linger on my tongue, and move its way to my belly.

And that is a very good thing.

Catch More AirTime here: http://airtimepurimtime.blogspot.com/

Even More Updates!

1. Purim sites are being updated all the time now; check them out often! (And leave lots of comments ;-)

2. I found out who's behind the DatingMaster parody, and it's not who you think. In fact, they're also behind one other blog parody here. But that's all I'm allowed to tell you. Sorry.

3. Comedy is supposed to go in threes, so I had to add this, even though I don't this its funny. (Thats to placate one the of the mystery bloggers who has done a tremendous amount of work on this). Kudos.

Purim at Harry's

This time, we're spoofin' Harry's real wite: http://haemtza.blogspot.com/

In Search of a Good Pizza

We've reached the Jewish month of Adar, and the J-Bloggosphere is already buzzing with excitement. But I feel there’s an important matter that needs to be addressed immediately - kosher pizza.

Before I get started, one disclaimer. Horrible pizza exists in all communities, MO as well as Chareidi. I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge that. The reasons, however, are worlds apart. I wish to focus on Chareidim because they have always been so smug about...well, everything. Also, they smell. But back to the pizza.

Read the rest of Emes Ve-Pshara over here: http://www.haemtzapurim.blogspot.com/

Purim @ Amshi's

So my wifes sister brought some friens over for lunch on shabus and they were going on about how the ALter of Slabodka said to get totally trashed on PUrim. I started to explain to them how Gri'Z never got drunk, but then I remembered that he's related to A.Y. Soleveitchik and had to spit. Anyway, they were all shocked that someone had a different opinion. For some reason they all came back for Shalosh suedos and I had to hide all the Jack.

How can anyone parody Amshi? Check out the paradox here:
http://amshinoverpurim.blogspot.com/

Purim @ Lipman's

Ashkenazic Trop

As many people asked me about the Ashkenazzi1 trop2 for the megillelaayen3, I recorded some samples. For this purpose, I confined myself to minneg Basel, which is basically minneg Elzas with some Southern German influences.

Here's a Paschto, for instance.

Here's a Pozer, and related, a nice Shalsheles.

The well known Sôf posuk.

And finally, a whole posuk.

Pay attention to the nice distribution of rôles between chazzen (narrator) and chazzen sheini (Esther).

1. That is, Yekkish. (back to text)
2. In Hybhrit: Tamea mikra. (back to text)
3. That is, leyning of the megille. (back to text)

For your liturgical pleasure -- see the rest here: http://lipmanspurim.blogspot.com/

Purim @ The Muqata @ The Muqata

I guess it had to happen -- the parody of the Muqata.
Thanks! --Jameel

Scandalous JBlog Behaviour

When a J-Blogger tells another J-Blogger they love them… and the police are listening in

Yes, it happened to me last week (again!)

I'm happily married...and the other blogger is ALSO married (I’m pretty sure happily as well).

We're both religiously observant, Orthodox Jews.

We're both…male.

And then...out of the blue...on the phone, he says to me..."Love you."

And then…before I could say a word, a cop listening in says… “Yo amor la muchacha! Donde es la muchacha?!”

See the rest of the Muqata Purim Edition here: http://muqatapurim.blogspot.com/

Jameel wins a JIB!

Holy Land Tiyul

Sorry I haven’t done my own post in the past few days, but getting the Purim blog concept ready has taken all my time, and then I decided to spend some quality time with my oldest son.

Continuing in the tradition of bringing you the latest and greatest of the Holy Land, I will tell you about our recent tiyul.

It was actually our first tiyul together, and while I am not Zocheh to live there (I just get to visit for work when I’m not escaping from Manila the South Pacific), I can only hope that one day my son will also be mikayem that great mitzvah of Aliyah.

Parts of the story I won’t discuss (after all you’ll ask why these things always happen to me), but the highlights of the visit were Broadway & 42nd Street when we stopped to take a photograph near the Gap, and another overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge on our way to J&R for shopping.

Ahh, as Chardal would tell you, even breathing the air (and drinking the water) makes one feel richer, though he would probably throw in a pasuk and a medrash to explain why.

Of course, it was drinking the water that was the problem, and it involved a Brita filter, Shabbat and our host, another well known Blogger. But as I said that’s another story which I won’t discuss.

But my son was really surprised when out of the blue our host asked if he knew who JoeSettler was. He let out an abababababa and then a really loud shriek with some fake tears. Basically it meant that it was time for my wife to feed him.

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards the Goldena Medina

Purim @ The Purim Purple Parrot...and other messages

Before I introduce the following parody blog, I would like to clarify a few things.

1. Close to 800 people read this blog yesterday. With such a massive amount of readers, its disappointing that there is so little feedback (even negative). Do you LIKE these parodies? Lot's of people worked very hard on them...shout out to them that you think they are funny! (or not) But let them know they exist! The more feedback, the more likelihood you'll see more parody blogs here tomorrow.

2. There is a (apparent?) parody going around of the "JerusalemDatingMaster" blog. The Muqata blog is rated PG-13, and I will NOT link to this particular parody blog, even though MANY people have requested that I do so. It appeared out of the blue, and it is not part of the official JBlogosphere Purim Carnival. Well, maybe part of the carnival, but they didn't pay the registration fee.

And now...wihtout further ado, we are proud to present:

Crazy Frogs and Mice

This morning I was driving in East Jerusalem and listening to nostalgic hits of the 80s on the radio, when all of a sudden they interrupted the broadcast with breaking news. Apparently there was a recount in the recent Palestinian elections. Hamas had not won, as previously thought. Instead the Crazy Frog had achieved a sudden surprise victory!!!

Things are just going from bad to worse.

Read more about TAFKAPP @ http://purimpurpleparrotty.blogspot.com/







Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Purim @ Krum's

The Jewish Week Butchers It Again

I was reading the Jewish Week, and I came upon this article. I just can’t believe that Gary Rosenblatt got the details of metzitzah b’peh so wrong. How hard is it to figure out? Come on, how could he actually get the body part that MBP is performed on wrong? Hint: Gary, it aint an elbow!

But wait, it gets worse! Then he completely mangles the name of the Rabbi who comes out against MBP!

See it all (the uncut version) at http://krumasahamantasch.blogspot.com/

Stuff going on.

I feel like I've been neglecting my blog the past few days, so I had to post an update.

The Mrs. @ The Muqata just called up to tell me the following;

Our neighbor's son is over at the Muqata playing with our 3 year old.

My wife asked our 3 year old (and his name is NOT Chavi Kaufman) if he would like to play with the Lincoln Logs with his friend.

So our 3 year old turns to his friend as says, "Want to play with the Blogs?"

I guess they've been reading the purim parodies as well.

There's a Purim Parody Blogroll up on most of the parodied blogs, and its not fully working yet.

I suggest you check ALL the blogs on a daily basis, since new material is going up all the time! (Great new posting on Orthomom's Purim blog today as well).

Its not too late to send in a parody - we'd love to share it with the world!

And a hat-tip to Ezzie for a great Parody Round-up (so far)

Happy Adar!

Jameel.
Muqata Purim Spoofing and Window Cleaning, Inc.
(Serving the public since 1872)

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Purim @ First Date

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Widowed Surgeon

Date: Summer 1993How we met: J-DatePrevious flirtations: We IM'ed each other a few times, spoke on the phone twice.What we did: The strange thing was that in his J-date picture, he had a beard, but when we met for our date, he was cleanshaven. He actually looked like the identical twin of a previous date of mine The Archaeology Professor.Him being a well respected surgeon, we went to the Surgeon's ball. While there, he was very attentive to me eventhough he constantly had to stop and talk with fellow surgeons, pharmaceudical lobbyists and execs and strangely some police detectives.

Read about this first date...and many others here: http://firstdatespurim.blogspot.com/

Purim @ Mar Gavriel's

Shabba^tho^e Evening

Friday evening: 6:02:53:4I had decided to davenen (or should that be davenin? - Lipman what do you say?) arvith^o with the olam at Ohab` Ztzted'ek'. Arvith^o started at 6:20pm, which meant that I had 17 minutes, 7 seconds and 6/10th of a second to walk there from my apartment. However, by the time I had finished that thought, the time had changed, and now I only had 17 minutes, 6 seconds and 2/10th of a second to walk. But then I realized that the time had changed again! This could go on forever has wesholōm, so I decided for once not to worry so much and just leave the apartment already.

Try to decipher the rest here: http://margavrielpurim.blogspot.com/

Purim @ The Rabbi's Kidding

Ode to Mrs. TRK

My elusive one
My love
Where are you?
Why haven’t you burst through my screen
Moved by my eloquence and subversive dodginess?
Where do you hide?
Why can I not find you?
Is it my broadly misogynistic streak that repels you?
Or perhaps you are in front of me and I see you not
I search
I saunter
I seethe
I seek
I sift through all my fanmail from adoring commenters
And still I cannot fathom
The essence of you:
Your inner beauty
Must equal your outer beauty
A tall order, perchance
But I’m a dreamer
And that makes everything OK
I breathe in
An impassioned sigh
And contemplate myself some more.

Yikes! See the rest of this biting satire over here: http://trkpurim.blogspot.com/

Purim @ Steg's

Godzilla

So, I've gotten back to my city, back from Jerusalem.

While I was in Jerusalem, people asked me how I can tolerate the dirty subways in New York. And I told 'em: "Don't be dissin' my city, man!" That'll show them!

While I was in Jerusalem, I met lots of old friends, plus some bloggers. Checklist, checklist!

Read the rest here: http://boroparkpyropurim.blogspot.com/

Purim @ Askin' Shifra

Questions I've been afraid of, part one

Dear AskShifra:

I recently took a trip to Israel on ELAL with my beloved dog, Kishka. Arriving at Ben Gurion airport, the staff held me off for a while without bringing Kishka to me from the luggage compartment of the airplane. I overheard some ground crew staff whispering that the pilot forgot to turn on the heat in the luggage section of the plane, and my dog froze to death. 5 minutes later, the crew nervously brought out a dog, which even though it looked very similar to my dog, I knew right away it wasn't.

"I want my dog!" I yelled at them. They thought they would pull a switcheroo on me?

"But, Madame, this is your dog", they nervously replied.

"Wrong!", I replied, "I was bringing my dog to Israel to be buried. He was ALREADY dead."

My question is, should I ask for an upgrade to business class on my next trip, or should I demand ELAL allow my next pet to accompany me in Economy class?

Thanks!

Shirley

See the answers and more here: askshifrapurim.blogspot.com

Purim @ The Female Frum Struggle

Mother-in-Laws

I love my mother in law, she is such a true dear
She’s such a wonderful woman, about me she always seems to care
Let anything ever bad happen to me, never would she dare
If I had a flat tire on the highway, she’d always bring me a spare

When I got engaged, I didn’t think we’d get along
But now I realize that our relationship is so strong
I thought she was cheap but now I see that I was wrong
She even bought me popcorn when we went to see King Kong


Read it all at: femalefrumstrugglepurim.blogspot.com

Random Purim Posts at Jack's Shack.

I Can Do That!

One day my son might kill me for retelling some of these stories but they are just too funny not to share. The beauty of a five old cannot truly be expressed in words. The honesty and innocence are so gratifying and so much fun. Also, he's a lot smarter than me.

Earlier this week we had a conversation about the best way to mark your territory. This took place while we were camping in the woods. Of course, we live in LA where there are no woods. So, actually, we were in a tent alongside the LA freeway.

So here is a condensed version of our discussion.

"Daddy, I have to go pee."

"Just step outside the tent, son, and take care of it."

Catch it all here (and the audioblog as well!) http://wishiwerejack.blogspot.com

Purim @ DovBear's Treehouse

A Really Long Title About Nothing, Because It Really Doesn't Make Any Difference At All

I can't believe what I'm seeing at GH. First, his counter is at like 800 million gazillion, because he cheats and counts page views and not hits. Can you believe that? This is what happens when you go off the derech because your to busy believing in souls and other nonsense.

Go here for more Purim DovBear: http://purimdovbear.blogspot.com/



Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Purim @ Ezzie's

Ezzie's Blog Roundup 3/6: For The Love Of The Game

Today's Monday, which means that "Deal or No Deal" is on TV tonight. I'm very excited for the show, although I think it would be more realistic if the prizes were a little better.

Here's the description of the show from Wikipedia about the show for those of you who don't know:

The basic format of Deal or No Deal consists of a number of cases (usually 26) each containing a different amount of money. Not knowing the sum of money in each case, the contestant picks one case at random which potentially contains the contestant's prize. They then open the remaining cases, one by one, revealing the money they contained. At pre-determined intervals the contestant receives an offer from the bank to purchase the originally chosen case from the contestant, the offer being based on the potential value of the contestant's case. The contestant must then decide whether to take the deal from the bank, or to continue opening briefcases. If they decide not to take the deal and reveal low values then the next bank offer is likely to be higher (as the contestant's case is proven not to contain these low values). Alternatively they risk revealing higher values, lowering future offers from the bank.
The format of Deal or No Deal varies in each country. In the UK, for example, contestants choose from 22 boxes rather than 26 briefcases.

See the whole roundup here: http://purimserandez.blogspot.com/

Purim @ WestBankGlob

That Money All Looks The Same To Me. . . .

The Jerusalem Post has an article today about Palestinian gunmen robbing a bank in the Gaza Strip, where they demanded one bag of chocolate gelt and another of marked bills, in order to remember where they got them. I was really concerned that they might rob my bank, as we had run out of pens and there was no way that I’d be able to mark all of the bills. As for the chocolate coins, well, I was prepared to guard those with my life if need be.

Read it all at: http://westbankingglob.blogspot.com/

Purim @ The Godol Hador's

My Four Gods Theory (FGT) Is Not Kefirah!!

This past shabbos, we hosted (actually, I hosted. I didn't tell the Rebbetzin about our guest until the 18 minutes so she had us both sleep in the garage. Sorry!!) a very prominent LW UO RY. An interesting guy. On the way to shul we started talking about machshovoh and hashkofoh. I won't bore you with the details, but he ended up admitting that it is not kefira to believe in four Gods. Of course I can't reveal his name for fear of the kannoim. And I was also informed that RYBS, R' Kook and R' Eliezer Berkovits held a similar idea. OK. Maybe it was four cups or sons rather than four Gods. But they'll come around!!

Check out the whole parody at the Godol Hador Purim Site: http://godolhadorpurim.blogspot.com

Purim @ RenReb's

A not-so-long post about searches, cockyheaded phil, and the rabbi who rocks my world

Monday, March 06, 2006

Hey everybody. I am sitting in the kitchen, looking at a pile of dishes as high as the Rabbi (who aside from being very tall, rocks my world, in case you didn’t know). And I figured, (being as neither 24 NOR CSI: Miami NOR anything with Russell Crowe is on), that I would get started with the Pesach cleaning early (because, I’m not sure if I mentioned that MY FAMILY IS COMING FOR PESACH!!!). But then I looked at the dishes, didn’t want to do them, cleaning for Pesach obviously isn’t happening either, so I decided to write my post on why MEN ARE PIGS. Um, that didn’t happen either. So here I am, writing this post at an ungodly hour (do you have to capitalize the "g" in ungodly? Anyone? Bueller?).

See RenReb's Purim pardoy here: renrebpurim.blogspot.com