Cross-posted on JoeSettler
Dear Osama bin Laden,
On behalf of the Government of Israel, I hereby invite you to visit the State of Israel to partake in Peace Negotiations. Recognizing that you might not wish to visit the Jewish state, we are prepared to meet with you at any other location.
As a strong leader and the ideological representative of a significant percentage of the Arab nation, we recognize how imperative it is for us to reach a peace agreement with you at all cost, no matter how painful the solution.
In line with our current peacemaking policies we are prepared to offer the following preconditions to any agreements.
-> The State of Israel will arm and train your military forces with an unwarranted and disproportionate supply of weapons.
-> The State of Israel will actively and publicly work on rehabilitating your image with President George Bush during his upcoming visit to Israel.
-> The State of Israel will demand that all Al Quaida prisoners worldwide be released in exchange for a verbal commitment to commit no more acts of terror (the verbal commitment will of course be optional).
-> The State of Israel is prepared to discuss any territorial concession you feel are needed (with the possible exception of Tel Aviv).
-> The State of Israel is prepared to accept moral and fiscal responsibility for having created any situation that Al Quida claims Israel created and we are ultimately responsible for any acts Al Quida may have taken as a result.
We hope you look upon our offer favorable, and we are prepared to send you some planes to fly you and your staff to any meeting place you desire, and perhaps to watch a soccer game with me on TV.
Prime Minister Ehud Olmert