Purim @ Oleh Girl's

Friday, March 03, 2006

Took in a rabbit today. Not really a rabbit, but a giant Trojan rabbit bed. When I brought it inside my apartment, 34 cats came out and proceeded to take over several rooms. Ole!

Check out the rest over here: http://olehgurl.blogspot.com/

JBlogosphere Purim Parodies!

UPDATE: Since this was posted yesterday afternoon (Israel time), different Muqata volunteers have been laboring around the clock creating actual blogs...for the parodied content. One could say this is a classic example of cutting down digital trees for purim publishing, but the blogs look too good!

I'll have a Purim Parody blogroll up later...since, you'll have to check back at the parodies. Some have already been updated with more!

However, if you go to a comdedy club and see a performance, its considered tactful to applaud. Why don't you put some comments on the parodied blogs so the authors feel good about themselves? They put alot of effort into this for YOUR enjoyment ;-)

More blogs coming soon today.

With over 25 blogs registered to be parodied, (and the list keeps growing), come back every day to read what new blogs are being parodied in the JBlogosphere Purim Parody Festival! Starting today through Purim...coming soon!

A few notes:

1. The blogger who does the parody can remain ANONYMOUS if they wish! Guess the blogger in the comments section, and we'll give you a special limited edition "I guessed the Parody Blogger" graphic. Maybe even something more tangible...

2. If you haven't registered to parody a blog - its not too late to chose one :)

Adar Sameach!


Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Purim @ Mirty's Place

Quack!

The other night, I curled up with a hot cup of cocoa, the dogs tucked under my feet, and found myself thinking about ducks.

Not the kind that you eat, although those can be really tasty, especially when you get the cooking time right (a feat I finally accomplished after much experimenting and struggling with temperatures in my new oven and cookware.

No, I mean the live kind of duck, with feathers, and webbed feet. When I was a girl growing up, there were three kinds of ducks. There were "our” mallard ducks, that came to visit us like clockwork every spring to the pond in the park, only to depart again every fall with the first sign of frost. There were the tall ones that lived across town, whom my parents called the Rosens, even though their names were really the Abramowitzes. And then there were my grandparents.

See the entire Purim pardoy of Mirty's blog at: mirtypurim.blogspot.com

Purim @ Orthomom's

Heroin of the Day

Ann Marlowe is not your typical Jewish girl. Born in 1958, she was raised by an upper middle class Jewish family on New York’s Upper East Side. As a young adult, she moved to the Lower East Side, working as a rock critic, where she discovered Heroin.

Marlowe used the drug for five years, claiming that she was an addict but not a junkie. However, she could never completely embrace the heroin addict lifestyle. ``It had no room for many parts of me, for the desire to go out and run five miles, the occasional urge to read Plato in Greek, and of course, the unexpungeable desire to shop at Bergdorf's.''

Read the rest on Orthomom's Purim Parody Blog: orthomompurim.blogspot.com

Carlebach Muqata Minyan on Friday Nights

I don't have the world's greatest voice.

I can carry a tune, daven as an OK shaliach tzibbur, and start songs to get other people singing. But never a solo...harmony...maybe.

My voice used to be better when I was a kid, and I was in a school choir (2 of them actually), and I used to be much better at it than today.

Anyone who's ever been lucky enough to spend a shabbat in Hevron, and daven at Me'arat HaMachpela on Friday nights has heard the amazing Hevron Carlebach minyan. Davening is one huge singing and dance experience that takes over 2 hours.

We enjoyed it so much, that like many places around the globe, we now have our own Carlebach minyan on Friday nights. We sing Kabbalat Shabbat, dance around a bit, and it's a very warm and friendly minyan.

Don't feel like singing out loud? No problem.

Don't want to dance? Fine with us!

The key to why a Carlebach minyan "works", comes from Shlomo Carlebach himself. He didn't have a great voice, but he understood that the collective voices of people davening in song together could sound great and make up for not everyone having a great voice.

At a Carlebach minyan, you don't need a great shaliach tzibbur, since everyone knows all the tunes...all you really need to do is start the first 2 or 3 words before the entire Beit Midrash joins in. Plus, we have kids as the Shaliach Tzibbur for Kabbalat Shabbat so they get over "stage fright" at an earlier age, with a supportive, friendly crowd.

That's the magic of a great Carlebach minyan...combined with the excitement of my youngest son knowing that he'll sit on my shoulders as we dance around and around.

It's been a long week - Shabbat is coming!

Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

The FIRST JBlogosphere Purim Parody CARNIVAL

(This is also a stickey post -- please scroll down past this posting for recent Muqata updates)

Dear Inhabitants of the JBlogosphere!

I've been in the JBlogosphere about 7 months now (that's close to 18 years in Alpo dog years), so I don't know what happened last year in the JBlogosphere for the month of Adar and Purim.

However, why lament what we missed last year, when we can stand on the shoulders of last year's Purim merriment?

In fact - let's stand on the heads of this year's blogs...and maybe jump up and down on them while we do so?

Therefore, the Muqata is proud to organize the very first JBlogosphere Parody PurimFest!

Registration for this event is CRUCIAL to ensure the widest possible audience to your creativity, cynicism and wit -- as you can show the world what you think of your favorite blogs.

First Come - First Served (yes, there is a slight bias to Israeli bloggers who are reading this earlier...)

To participate, simply email me, Jameel at: muqata@gmail.com with the blog you would like to parody (put the word PURIM in the subject line) and I'll get back to you as quickly as possible, hopefully with confirmation that the blog you selected hasn't already been chosen. If it's already been chosen, I can recommend some others. In fact, choose 3 blogs in order of preference to make life easier for me.

For the first few days, email confirmation may take up to 24 hours.

Shy about doing one all by yourself? Get a few blog friends together and share the fun.

More details to follow -- in the meantime, register the blog you wish to parody, start dreaming up all the great Purim posts, and post this Purim Parody ad link (and graphic below) on your blog.

The more the merrier - and what better way is there to celebrate ADAR and Purim than with the entire JBlogosphere?

With Warm Purim Regards,

Jameel Rashid (yes, my wife wants me to change this name)
The Muqata Ltd.

Special thanks to the official JBlogosphere Extreme Graphic Artist: Ifyouwillit





Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Israeli Urban Legends...and then some.

Blog Friend AirTime is in Ulpan these days improving his Hebrew, getting ready for his big move to Israel.

He just had a posting about the "Ani Iparon" Israeli Urban Legend (ii, iii, iv) ...and I was sure I had heard this story first person from someone in the 80's. Guess not.

So, here are a few more (and 2 true stories too)

1. Oleh is driving over the speed limit on the Jerusalem/Tel-Aviv highway when he gets pulled over by a cop. The Oleh thinks to himself, "I'll show him"...and when the policeman asks to see the speeder's driver's license, the Oleh pulls out his New York City Public Library card. The policeman looks at it, turns it over a few times, and says the to the Oleh in perfect American English, "You're the first person ever to try this on me and use a Libray Card as a license!"...and bursts out laughing.

Legend has it, the cop let him go with a warning.

2. This appears on Snopes, but I remember reading it in a US newspaper attributed to a real story from Israel. What the US forgot is that until the 90's, Israel used to have April Fool's articles in its newspapers, and the AP wire service that picked it up thought it was real. Heh, I just found it on urbanlegends.com that even quotes it happening in Israel...

An Israeli housewife found a roach in the house. She very carefully deposited it in the toilet and tried to drown it. Since it swam rather well, she ran to the kitchen and returned with the bug spray. She sprayed until the roach stopped swimming. Exhausted from her ordeal she left the bathroom to rest. Her husband came home and following his regular routine, went to the throne to read his paper and have a smoke. When he was done he tossed the cigarette beneath him. When the paramedics arrived they asked him how he got his injuries and started laughing so hard they dropped him, breaking both his legs.

Two True Stories:

1. My sister in law was driving a Skoda on the Jerusalem/Tel-Aviv highway. When the Skoda first came to Israel in the early 90's, it was ridiculed as a hunk of junk. A cop stopped her for speeding in her Skoda...when she asked him why he stopped her and he told her, "for speeding", she burst out laughing in his face, saying that the Skoda wasn't capabale of going more than 90 kilomters/hour and she kept laughing at him till the cop walked off.

2. My Israeli roommate from yeshiva in Israel was driving some friends back home from a wedding, and he packed the car with as many friends as possible. Driving around Jerusalem, he was stopped by a cop -- "for having too many people in the car." My roommate asked the cop if he would forget about the ticket, if he saw something really funny. The cop scratched his head, and my roommate took him to the trunk of the car, opened it up, and there were 2 more wedding guests in the trunk. Cop let him off with a warning.



Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Ode to Jack, the Bishop of Bullfrog

For those of you who haven't been following, Jack has been having a fascinating email exchange with a Nigerian spammer in his hopes to raise his wealth index.

Unfortunately for Jack, the spammer's promises of massive wealth never materialized, even though he did get some great blog material out of it. Jack even posted a picture of himself on his blog.

To comfort Jack, at today's daily Muqata writer's meeting after shul, we sat around drinking a lechayim to the coming month of Adar, and churned out the following ditty for him. The "SH" in the song is pronounced as "Shhhh..." as in, "Shhhh", don't tell anyone about this rediculous, Adar induced song.


Got a wacked email last week, made me cough up my drink
even came out my nose...it was COLA.
C-O-L-A Cola

The email promised me weath and loads of cash
I asked him his name, and in a Nigerian way he said, "Shola"
SH O L A, Shola, lo lo lo Shola.

I'm not the world's most law-a-bidin' guy,
but that email he sent seemed to me a crime,
Oh my Shola, lo lo lo Shola, lo lo lo Shola

Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
he sends such junk, 'spects us to BELIEVE his spam
Oh my Shola, lo lo lo Shola, lo lo lo Shola

Well, we emailed and partied and blogged all night,
under the glare of monitor light,
He tried once more by email, so slop-py
He said, "Hey Jack, just take a chance with me?"
Well, "I'm not the world's most clueless guy,
so I gave him the number of the F-B-I.
No way I could fall for Shola
lo lo lo Shola

Put on my royal green robe, and looked like a frog
Even outted myself on my blog, made us ROFL with glee
Sent it to him, then he ignored me.

Well that's the way that I want it to stay.
A great story, about a spammer called Shola.
Sh Lo lo lo Shola.

Didn't get no cash, didn't even see any green
But that blog-pic of Jack made us all scream
'cept for Shola. Sh Lo lo lo Shola. Sh lo lo Shola.

Well, this story started just a week ago,
Never made money from a spammer before
Shola smiled and said "its just spam"
he said, "Hey Jack, I'm still your biggest fan"
Well I'm not the world's most masculine man,
but Shola too weird even for a blog fan.
And he's Shola.
Sh lo lo Shola. Sh lo lo Shola.




Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

Spooky Nighttime Funeral in Jerusalem

Last night, I attended the funeral of a relative. Unlike the rest of the world, funerals in Israel take place during the day and at night, since kavod hamet (respect for the deceased) requires that the deceased be buried as quickly as possible, even if it requires a funeral at night.

Although I’ve been in Israel for a while and gone to many nighttime funerals, there’s still something very eerie about going to cemeteries after dark. Maybe it’s having watched too many horror movies as a kid, or the midnight showing of Silence of the Lambs …in any event, it's rather creepy.

Before I get to the scary part of this posting, I’m reminded of a true story from my wife’s family. My wife’s cousin worked for the chevra kadisha in an Israeli town…and dug graves. It’s honest, respectable work even if it’s not for everyone.

One day on his way to work, he forgot his lunch at home. When his wife noticed he had forgotten his lunch, she sent it to the cemetery with their 9 year old son. Arriving at the cemetery, the young boy started walking around, calling out “Abba, Abba, where are you?” as he peered into empty graves around the cemetery.

A group of mourners saw this surrealistic scene and were moved to tears…what could be sadder and heart-wrenching than a young boy walking around a cemetery, calling out for his (obviously deceased) father…”Abba, Abba, where are you?”

To their shock and horror, a hand suddenly popped out of an open grave and started waving, “Shlomie! Shlomie! I’m over here!!” (yes, this is a true story)

Anyway, going back to last night…it’s pitch black…and we’re all milling around waiting for the funeral to start.

My cousin’s husband comes over to me, and we quietly say hi to each other.

We haven’t seen each other for a while, and it’s always nice to meet up with friends and relatives, even though it’s a bit awkward at unfortunate events like funerals.

Then the spooky part comes…

He quietly says, “Hey, you know people…right?”

I whisper back, “I guess…”

He whispers to me, “Do you know who Jameel at the Muqata is…you know…the blogger?

EXCUSE ME?!

Getting Blog ID’d… at a nighttime FUNERAL…in the middle of a dark Jerusalem cemetery?!?!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!


Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael