Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Breaking News: Israel to Freeze Jewish Immigration

Note: The following posting is political satire, yet 90% of the quotes are word for word from current politicians about the settlement freeze on Jewish building in the settlements of Israel.


Israel to Freeze Jewish Immigration

December 1, 2009
Jerusalem, Israel


In an emergency cabinet meeting, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu announced today that in order to create the necessary positive atmosphere to restart peace negotiations with the Palestinians, all Jewish Immigration to Israel, "aliya," would be frozen immediately for a temporary period of 10 months.

Netanyahu explained that increased Jewish demographics in Israel via immigration, creating "facts on the ground" would cause mistrust between the Palestinians and Israel and "would not be helpful" in progressing the peace talks.

Israeli government ministers overwhelmingly approved (11-2) the temporary freeze in an effort to restart peace talks with the Palestinians.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu called the freeze "far-reaching and painful," yet the move would be "a very big step toward peace" and he hoped the Palestinians would "take full advantage" of the opportunity to restart talks during the 10-month window.

At least one key Security Cabinet member, Defense Minister Ehud Barak, came out in favor of the proposal. "Its aim is to open a window for renewing negotiations with the Palestinians," he said.

"I hope that the Nefesh B'Nefesh immigration leadership, which is patriotic, responsible and serious, will understand the need for the decision at this time," Barak added.

"The understandings with the United States are of the utmost importance with regard to negotiations, and guarantees of security and its military supremacy."

The Nefesh B'Nefesh aliya/immigration organization was puzzled over the move. "Classical Zionism always included immigration of Jews to Israel and its our historic right to continue to move to Israel," stated a hastily compiled Nefesh B"Nefesh press-release.

MK and Minister Benny Beigin called the move, "painful but correct", and that after the 10 month immigration freeze, immigration would again resume.

Deputy Foreign Minister Danny Ayalon praised the "historic" decision, and urged the Palestinian Authority to seize the opportunity for peace.

"We hope the Arabs will not repeat the miscalculation of November 29, 1947, and will not miss the opportunity to achieve peace. Netanyahu's decision to freeze immigration is historic and unprecedented," Ayalon said during a discussion at the Hebrew University in Jerusalem.

But Danny Danon, a member of the Knesset from Netanyahu's Likud Party and chairman of the Settlers Council, opposed the announcement. "If the prime minister will implement the ideology of the left, he will not get the support of his own party," he said.

"All the things he wrote in his books, said in his speeches, he so eloquently preached for, he does exactly the opposite," said Danon, calling the move a "disappointment."

Foreign Ministry Director-General Yossi Gal summoned foreign ambassadors in Israel to a meeting in Jerusalem Monday. Gal is expected to brief the ambassadors regarding the cabinet's decision to freeze Jewish immigration for 10 months.

"We must work to achieve understanding and declarations of support for the Israeli move," the Foreign Ministry missive said.

French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner said in a statement the Israeli move was a "step in the right direction" and "a positive contribution to peace."

British Foreign Secretary David Miliband said his country wanted the Israeli decision to "become a step towards resuming meaningful negotiations."

He called on Israel to implement a full freeze on immigration, which he deemed "illegal."

Defense Minister Ehud Barak said Monday that he believed Israel's declaration of a 10-month freeze on Jewish immigration would lead to a renewal of peace talks with the Palestinians.

MK Michael Ben-Ari [National Union] slammed the decision, calling it yet another nail in the coffin of Zionism. "First the disengagement from Gaza, then the construction freeze, and now the immigration freeze -- is there nothing left of Zionism?"

The Obama administration welcomed the decision Wednesday as a step toward resuming Israeli-Palestinian peace talks, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said in a statement released moments after Netanyahu announced the 10-month freeze.

"Today's announcement by the government of Israel helps move forward toward resolving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict," Clinton said.

Note: The above posting is political satire, yet 90% of the quotes are word for word from current politicians about the settlement freeze on Jewish building in the settlements of Israel.

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48 comments:

the junior said...

If you can't see the difference between immigration to Tel Aviv and setting up a caravan on a hilltop in the West Bank (or Judea or Samaria if that makes you feel better), then you need to get out more.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

the junior: if you it should be illegal to repave your driveway in a settlement community of 20,000+ people because of a government edict, then perhaps you should get out more.

No home additions, modifications or even enclosing a porch are allowed.

If you think that's fair, I can only wish the same fairness on you.

itsnot said...

of course prohibiting the repaving of a driveway sounds extreme. but the problem is that the settler movement has shown over the years that it can't be trusted to abide by the rules: give them a paved driveway and they'll build a new house.
in any event,, what's the point of paving a driveway when it will mostly be gone in the next 30 years or so (if not sooner) ...

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

itsnot: Whats the point of Jewish immigration to Israel, if it will mostly be gone in the next 30 years or so (if not sooner)...?

Your generalizations are pathetic.

Thats like saying "Tel avivians" has shown over the years that they can't be trusted to show up for their draft to the IDF, so they should all be arrested.

yoni r. said...

itsnot:

If the "settlers" can't be trusted to abide by the rules, what's the point of setting new rules?

what's the point of paving a driveway when it will mostly be gone in the next 30 years or so

Something being of limited use and/or having no point (people pay for monthly parking, so I don't understand why you think being able to park for 30 years is pointless, but if that's what the voices in your head tell you, I won't argue) is not a reason to make it illegal. If it was, then movies, music, clothing styles, parades, single-use items, food, the latest technology, etc., all of which have a shelf life of far fewer than 30 years, should be made illegal.

Lurker said...

the junior: If you can't see the difference between immigration to Tel Aviv and setting up a caravan on a hilltop in the West Bank (or Judea or Samaria if that makes you feel better), then you need to get out more.

Hey, Junior:

If you bothered to read the news, then you would know that the settlement freeze affects all towns and cities in the West Bank, not only "caravans on hilltops", as you deceptively suggested. This includes places like Maaleh Adumim, a 33-year-old city founded by a Labor government headed by Yitzhak Rabin, with a population of more than 35,000.

If you can't see the difference between hundreds of thousands of people living in large, long-established, government-approved towns and cities, and a caravan on a hilltop in Judea or Samaria (or the West Bank if that makes you feel better), then you need to get out more.

Lurker said...

itsnot: ...what's the point of paving a driveway when it will mostly be gone in the next 30 years or so (if not sooner) ...

That's funny, President Ahmadinijad said the exact same thing just the other day about all of Israel.

Let's wait a bit, and we'll see if you and Mahmoud turn out to be right or not...

Shifra said...

Can we at least be allowed new immigrants to replace any yordim during that period? And if the yordim are from Tel Aviv would the new immigrants have to live there or can they set up a tent on my new driveway....?

Yaakov said...

You're right, this does bring the White Paper into perspective. The people who drafted that document were acting on the same principles as Netanyahu. It was politically expedient (if morally deplorable) for the British government back then to act against the Jewish settlement in Eretz Israel just as it is politically expedient today for the Israeli government to do basically the same thing, and for the same reasons.

How ironic that the people who would be putting the last nail into the coffin of Zionism would be the former and present leaders of the Likud - Sharon, Olmert, Netanyahu, Begin, Livni. Perhaps its time for real Jews to seek their friends elsewhere, among our Muslim neighbors instead of among the Hellenizers from the coastal strip. I for one feel much more at home in an Arab city than in the poor man's Miami beach known as Tel Aviv.

Lurker said...

Shifra: Can we at least be allowed new immigrants to replace any yordim during that period?

No, but I hear that the Knesset is already working on a new pinui-pitzui law that promises to provide a generous financial reward to any Jew willing to make yerida "voluntarily"...

Lurker said...

Yaakov: I for one feel much more at home in an Arab city than in the poor man's Miami beach known as Tel Aviv.

Your home doesn't sound to me like a very safe place...

Lurker said...

OK, so first we had the 10-month freeze in construction, and now a 10-month freeze in immigration.

These are definitely positive steps in the right direction (where "the right direction" is defined by the right people, of course).

Next, we should have a 10-month freeze in "natural growth" as defined by Obama's Middle East Envoy George Mitchell...

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Lurker: That's one of my next posts.

Jews will use a baby-basket, "Moshe BaTayva" to hide their children by floating them down the Yarkon River...

Lurker said...

Jameel: Jews will use a baby-basket, "Moshe BaTayva" to hide their children by floating them down the Yarkon River...

The Arabs and their friends will no doubt refer to these by their common American appelation, "Pigs in Blankets"...

sarah leah said...

It would have been nice to NOT state it was a satire until the end (in small print!). It is reminiscent of the 1938 War of the Worlds broadcast - people committed suicide thinking the Martians had landed because they weren't aware it was a broadcast. L'havdil - it was clever - but next time you should put SATIRE in a bit more prominent a place.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

sarah leah: I added the disclaimer to the top of the post. However, the fact that its so convincing is what makes this scary.

sarah leah said...

No one i know saw it at the beginning...after i wrote and ranted on several forums about that Bibi - then...only then a kind friend told me to look at the very bottom. it is the climate today, with such abominations being performed to us in Yesha, etc - it wasn't a leap but a hop to believe this could happen. This is what is even scarier.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Sarah: What I meant was that after your comment, I added a disclaimer above as well (its there now - refresh your browser and you'll see it)

Kae Gregory said...

When it comes to the point where the Palestinians can say, "Ok. You can keep the Kotel. But we get everything else." Then we will all be able to admit that progress is being made. Only then might (might!) the Palestinians be satisfied and only then will the rest of the world be happy that Israel if finally making "meaningful" concessions. From the beginning, the peace process has been a lesson in incrementalism which the Palestinians have played like virtuosos.

Dansy said...

Joking appart, "Al tiftach peh l'soton".

David Ha'ivri said...

I suggest that Israel freeze its concern in what the nations think and start doing what is good for the Jews.

never4get said...

Take 6 wood shipping pallets, they are free from local businesses.

Paint 2 red to match the tile roofs on Jewish homes. Paint the remaining 4 to look like the exterior walls of a house.

Shlep the 6 pallets to the top of a remote hill that is completely inaccessible by any motor vehicle. The longer it takes you to get to the top, the better.

Assemble the new mini settler house (you can use rope, wire, heavy duty electrical cable ties or doubletapper nails to hold them together).

Call the news agencies, email them blurry pictures of the new illegal outpost from you cell phone. They will pass the information on to the authorities who will dispatch the "special" units of 50 or more police to evict the settlers and destroy the new outpost.

Do this 20 times per week in 20 different locations.

Take lots of pictures and videos of the "special" officers smashing tiny homes and post them all over the internet.

This type of action will exhaust the "special" units and reduce their efficacy.

Have fun! When life hands you lemons...

realRightWinger said...

hold on - I have a question. If my pathway is cracked, and I need an Arab oleh to fix it with Arab materials is that all right ? What is the size of the crack in the pavement that makes it illegal to get it fixed. If only this freeze would be in the summer - then we wouldn't need a/c....

The whole things PATHETIC - the inspectors remind me of the task masters in Eygpt and the Cappos in Nazi Germany.

All Yishuvim should be closed to the public and only people with permission and passes should be allowed in. (e.g. guests can confirm their visits with residents ).

All in all - I personally think we should close off Yehuda and Shomron from the rest of Israel - and make a second state there - its been done before in the time of the Tanach - why not now ?

realRightWinger said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Neshama said...

To realrightwinger:

You should be more careful in your associations with the mossad! Do you want to make trouble for Jameel?

Gee a Moron said...

I propose two forms of protest:

1) Tie this into the ban on truck traffic on route 1 that went into effect Dec. 1 from Shaar Hagay to Shoresh (6:30-9:30 weekdays). This ban is troubling to those of us who live by the alternate route 443. I say that nonetheless we should close off 443 every morning with banners that say "This is what it will be like when Jews can no longer use this road."

2) Take as many thousands of tents as you have protesters. March into Tel Aviv, Jerusalem, etc. and just set up the tents wherever inconvenient. Each tent should have a banner "Where shall the settlers go and live?"

Jeremy said...

Jameel-

Please let us know what the Bayit Hayehudi's position on this matter is. They seem to be lying low, as their carte blanche "support for Bibi" is probably frustrating to many of their voters. Have they said anything since the freeze was announced?

sarah leah said...

BS"D

Jameel - you have to publicize this was a satire more...this is out of proporation. Oh, my goodness!

Lurker said...

Jameel - you have to publicize this was a satire more...this is out of proporation. Oh, my goodness!

Yes, obviously writing "this is political satire" in bold blue text at both the bottom AND the top of the post is still not enough. Maybe you should put even more copies of that same disclaimer between every two lines of the post, and make the disclaimer blink on and off, with a bunch of giant animated red arrows pointing at it.

sarah leah said...

Lurker - originally post wasn't at top as well. this particular instance, things need to be set straight. The comment thread isn't about a real event (I hope!). No need for sarcasm.

tafka pp said...

RRW-

Somehow I doubt that people who live in Maale Adumim for the cheap housing and easy commute to Jerusalem will want to be part of a rogue second state with the ideological inhabitants of Kiryat Arba. say... There's more than one reason to buy a house in the Shtachim. The problem is that whatever the motive of moving to the territories, now you're all screwed by Bibi's decision, which even to me, (a RLW) makes approximately no sense in both its context, perceived value and timing.

sarah leah said...

what does "RLW" mean?

David S. said...

Tafka- see here:

http://israelopinions.blogspot.com/2009/12/10-month-settlement-freeze.html

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you finally mentioned a few times that it's satire, because Nefesh B'Nefesh has received numerous emails from concerned individuals as to how this is going to affect their aliyah.

Anonymous said...

Danny Danon is a Likud MK, Danny Dayan is the director of Moetzet Yesha.

-Gidon (too lazy to log in)

Lurker said...

Anonymous @ 12:52 PM: I'm glad you finally mentioned a few times that it's satire, because Nefesh B'Nefesh has received numerous emails from concerned individuals as to how this is going to affect their aliyah.

The actual story (i.e., the construction freeze) will affect many people's aliyah. And that's real; not satire.

tafka pp said...

David S- Amen to every word of your blogpost. Even Bibi's friends (I was talking to one this morning) don't understand what he's doing...

Sara Leah- RLW = not too difficult to work out- the opposite of "Real Right Winger"!

David S. said...

Absolutely. Unlike much of Jameel's audience, I understand that Israel is going to make concessions, and should do so in order to achieve peace.

But this freeze does nothing. It accomplishes nothing, it pacifies no one, and does not advance peace in the slightest. It simply doesn't make any sense.

Anonymous said...

We've tried lack of reciprocity.
We've tried Land for peace.
We've tried Land for Nothing.
We've tried giving them guns.
We've tried giving the autonomy.


Now we're trying not building in our own neighborhoods?

Are we really that naive? Are you?

Jameel said...

David S: Unlike much of Jameel's audience, I understand that Israel is going to make concessions, and should do so in order to achieve peace.

Can you please point to ONE concession that Israel has made in the past 25 years to the Palestinians that has "achieved peace"?

We've been releasing terrorists for years as "good will" actions, only to see over 70% of them come back to try and kill us.

We've Disengaged from Gaza down to the last Jew, Gilad Shalit was kidnapped, we got unprecidently rocketed by Hamas, we retaliated in self-defense and then got blamed by everyone!!!

We gave them guns and they used them against us.

We trained their police force, allowed the CIA to train their army, and then PA policemen continue to kill Jews.

Can you please explain why you honestly think that giving them everything they want will "achieve peace", rather than increase their appetite to erase Israel from the map?

Shifra said...

BTW Sarah Leah there was only one attempted suicide during the War of the Worlds broadcast, and it wasn't a very good attempt (Baruch Hashem...).

Also it's weird I remember reading a disclaimer at the top way before your comment - back when I posted my first comment.

Lurker said...

David S.: Unlike much of Jameel's audience, I understand that Israel is going to make concessions, and should do so in order to achieve peace.

Jameel: Can you please point to ONE concession that Israel has made in the past 25 years to the Palestinians that has "achieved peace"?

Sure, no problem -- I can point to plenty:

* Oslo I ("Gaza and Jericho First")
* Oslo II
* The Hebron Accord
* The Wye Accord
* The Disengagement

All of those concessions achieved massive gobs of peace, as I'm sure David S. will agree. Right, David?

And I have no doubt that the new, even further-reaching concessions that David S. is now advocating will bring down on our heads even more peace.

Right?

David S. said...

Wow- you guys are rough. Sorry, my bad. I was under the impression that Israel had peace treaties with Egypt and Jordan which have held for almost 50 years (total).

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

David S: The peace treaty with Egypt was signed in 1979 -- 30 years ago. Comparing it to the Palestinians is apples to kumquats.

The Sinai desert, given to the Egyptians to achieve peace with them must remain demilitarized. The Palestinians want a full fledged army, meters away from Israel. Egypt has no more territorial claims against Israel -- the Palestinians expressly state they want everything, eventually. All of Israel.


By the way -- we dont have "peace" with Egypt, we received a very cold absence of war. Just 2 months ago Egypt refused participation of Israeli doctors at an international research conference on cancer, because they hate Jews more than they hate cancer.

Anonymous said...

you didn't mention the birth freeze! all babies have to stay in the womb for ten more months becuase population increase may damage Palestinian's trust!
Will the government give permission to God to send more souls down?

sarah leah said...

@Anonymous - No, the government won't. They believe they can control that, as well.

ilona@israel said...

if they agree for such serious thing as freezing of aliya-which is very important for Israel, it seems this time they are very serious about peace agreement.

Anonymous said...

When the Right wakes up and unites, then exciting things will start happening. Enough with the anti-Jewish policies that are being shoved down our throats, enough with Piece Now activists running around like ADHD'ers on speed checking every aerial photograph for proof of new concrete being poured in Yesha, enough with the pro-Arab Israeli Supreme Court, enough with the pro-Arab anti-Jewish Israeli media, enough with the paranoid army generals harrassing Yeshiva heads, enough with the rich and blase Tel Avivians who are TOTALLY CLUELESS and don't know that a disengagement from Yehuda and Shomron, G-d forbid - means Kassams falling on their favorite cafes. If I really wanted to live in such an anti-semitic country, I would have chosen Iran and not Eretz HaKodesh.
Israel is begotten through issurim, but this is ridiculous....

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