Thursday, June 15, 2006

A Tormented Jameel.

A few weeks back I was contacted by Steven Weiss about joining the Jewish Blogs ad network. I was flattered to be asked to join such a prestigious group of big name bloggers, including Canonist, Orthomom, DovBear, Serandez and others -- the whole idea had me tickled pink that someone would advertise on blogs, let alone mine!

If you notice the "Hamsa" graphic on the right-hand side of my blog, you'll see what I'm talking about...and clicking through it will lead you to the list of blogs associated with the JBlog ad network.



And then...yesterday...I was notified that someone wanted to place on ad on my blog!

Was I excited!

I danced around my office and immediately called the Mrs. @ The Muqata!

I'd make vacation plans for all us at the Inbal Hotel in Jerusalem!

I'd buy Momopolitan drinks for all my blog friends (regardless of the calories)

This was great...financial self sufficiency for an oleh like me? A dream come true!

It all came crashing down a few minutes ago when an email arrived from the Mrs:

To: Jameel
From: The Mrs.
Date: Today, a few minutes ago.

Did you see what your ad is for??

Err, actually, not really. I just glanced at it -- it said something about a Jewish Comedy.

Come see the insanity that ensues when a Jewish daughter brings home her new Palestinian boyfriend!

Uh oh.

Would you advertise for anything? How about for cigarettes?

Oh man. Busted.

After criticizing religious newspapers for years for printing ads from cigarette companies, here I was, with an ad on "The Muqata" promoting...assimilation and intermarriage? A Jewish woman going out with a Palestinian?! I'm all in favor of coexistence, but intermarriage is OUT!

I can't take down the ad because it's contractually supposed to run for 2 weeks.

Having thought about the issue very seriously, I have come up with the following steps for all future ads (which I hope are many!)

1. I will only post ads for which I have read through their entire content.

2. I will post ads which do not conflict with my hashkafic outlook on life, conflict with halacha, or harm the interests of the Jewish People, Israel, or Aliya.

3. Under no circumstances will I ever again eat 7 slices of pizza on my way home from Ramat Beit Shemesh after meeting with my accountant, UNLESS I CALL MY WIFE FIRST. (more on that in the upcoming post).

Look, I hope this movie doesn't actually advocate assimilation. It could be funny...

I sincerely apologize in advance if anyone is offended by the ad.

In any event I hope that by the end of the movie, the Jewish woman breaks up with her Palestinian boyfriend, returns to the Derech, marries her true bashert, makes aliya, has healthy and happy kids, and starts a successful aliya advocacy blog.

Then again, she could make aliya first and find her bashert here in Israel -- the order doesn't really matter.

Bimheira Biyameninu

Amen.


Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

50 comments:

Mike Miller said...

You get one ad and promptly rush off to see your accountant?!

Which pizza store did you stop at? I told you to get Burgers Bar... but no...

Safranit said...

From the looks of the cast, "no Jews were harmed in the making of this production"....although I really can't say I know Italian Jewish names.

I forgive you ;)

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Safranit: Thanks! I feel better now :)

Mike: It was called 1/2 pizza or something - a family pizza for 19.90 NIS.

And I ate almost the entire thing...little did I know how much trouble I would get into.

Do you know how much one ad at the Super Bowl costs?

Rafi G said...

you were in RBS? We could have gotten together for dinner or something!! We actually had 1/2 pizza as well last night, but in our house..
so close..

Rafi G said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
pk said...

I like the second step... it speaks for the rest, although I'm yet to read what you did to the pizza OR what it did to you. :-)

Oleh Yahshan said...

It looks to me like it a comedy. if it is then there shouldn't be an issue with it.

in any event - 7 slices of pizza - that's impressive. the most I can handle is 4 maybe 5...

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Rafi G: I'll be back within the next week or two (Im anticipating another ad :)

PK: soon...soon...

Oleh Yashan: I have no clue what I was thinking...I haven't downed 7 slices in years.

Guess I'll have to play alot of hockey this motzei shabbat to work it off.

~ Sarah ~ said...

good three step plan!!
will avoid any mishaps with ads OR pizza.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Sarah: The issue wasn't so much about the pizza, as it was about calling home to say that was my intention to eat 7 slices...

~ Sarah ~ said...

hehe... so make them put up a sign in the pizza shop (all of them?!): "JAMEEL - CALL MRS @ THE MUQATA BEFORE ORDERING OR ELSE."

*chuckle*

Scraps said...

Seven slices?! I couldn't eat that much if I tried! Even just four or five would make me sick to my stomach. But then again, I'm female...

I saw the ad, and I thought, "huh, that's strange" but I figured that maybe you didn't have a say about what ads ran on your blog if you signed up for the network. Oh well, you've learned from your mistake.

swiftthinker said...

Moral of the story: Don't ever do the happy dance before consulting the wife.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Swiftthinker: But I called the wife ASAP!!! She was also excited :)

Blog Ads could lead to...mixed dancing?

Sarah: YES, I will definitely mention that to them the next time I'm there. Or maybe, just make that message an integral part of my wallet.

Scraps: I haven't eaten so much in years...but to tell you the truth, I didn't get sick from it or anything. Weird. But my metabolism would never forrgive me if I kept this up. No more. The Seven slice at a time binge is no more.

Rafi G said...

1/2 pizza slices are fairly small... 7 slices should not be a big deal..

Elie said...

I don't like pizza. Or chinese food. I must not be fully Jewish.

swiftthinker said...

The whole advertising idea is great. I just linked on it. Do you think anyone would be interested in reaching my 3 regular viewers?

I just listened to the trailer for the movie. It seems like it would be a great movie to advertise if the main characters were a stiff attorney and a prison escapee like "Bringing Down the House". It's the same idea. I wouldn't worry, the whole movie is a comedy and hopefully noone will take it too seriously.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Rafi: thats 7/8th of an entire family pizza! Maybe a bit smaller...but not much. Still, my saw the pizza box and remaining slice and was aghast.

Swifthinker: If your 3 viewers are the CORRECT 3 viewers, Im sure it could be arranged!

StepIma said...

So will you accept ads for cigarettes?

Hard liquor?

The Israeli soccer team?

Gavriel said...

You LEFT a piece?

Oh do I remember my younger days, eating an entire pizza myself. Of course these days sure aren't those.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Gavriel: I didn't want to leave a piece...but had no choice!

Arg - so busy now, don't even have time to blog about WHY I couldnt...and why I got into trouble...

Maybe later this evening.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

StepIma: We'll only accept ads approved by the Muqata Vice Squad.

(bunko division)

Jack's Shack said...

Now look who is one of the big bloggers. Not sure that I can hang out here any longer as my Shack is rather drab. ;)

Ads do test your limits, don't they.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Jack: Give me a break! The shack would knock the socks off the muqata in basketball anytime...

Hockey on the other hand, is a different story ;-)

Big blogger...not really. I just have good days on some days.

Pragmatician said...

Well if you learn from your mistakes...
to tell you the truth I did not eve notic ethe ad until you mentioned it in your post.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Elie: Must be tough. I can't eat peanut butter, so Israelis don't believe I'm really from the US.

Prag: Shhh - dont say you didn't notice the ad! No one would ever advertise if they think the ads are transparent!

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Congrats, good for you. You worked hard for it I am sure.

tafka PP said...

Returns to the Derech?!

Bye!

Ezzie said...

Dude, it's a COMEDY! [See, I actually *do* check these things first!]

Hmph.

Anyways, 7 slices is child's play.

Eating 6-8 crumb-topped Entenmann's immediately after 2 hours of basketball... now THAT'S saying something.

(Something like "yeah, I EARNED this")

Scraps said...

Ezzie, one of my coworkers just bought a box of those Entenmann's crumb-topped doughnuts...and it's supposed to be her lunch and dinner. I was shocked, but mostly because she's a girl and most girls wouldn't eat a whole box of doughnuts!

(She was kind enough to share one with me. ;-) )

FrumGirl said...

But... but... but...

advertising is a blemish on your blog, Jameel... do you REALLY need to make money off of your message and creativity?

And will the advertisers pull their support if they disagree with your posts?

I was contacted a while ago to advertise as well. I did not even consider it!

Jack's Shack said...

I just have good days on some days.

Well my Fridays always follow Thursday.

exsemgirl said...

See what happens when you diss other peoples teams??? :P

Great disclaimer tho! So how many ads do you think will pass through your stringent conditions?

PsychoToddler said...

When I first put up google ads, my first couple of ads were for Jews for Jesus and related groups.

missingmyland said...

I'm impressed that you're "not going to do it again" in the future.
I actually did click on the ad's link when it was posted...and was suprised.
(It didnt sound like the gal was becoming frum or anything close to that... :(

kasamba said...

I really hope that the play has your ending!

Never mind, I wouldn't have seen it anyway!

orthomom said...

I also thought for a minute about allowing the ad, for what it's worth. The line about "the insanity that ensues when a Jewish daughter brings home her new Palestinian boyfriend" gave me some pause as well. Oh well. Throw back a few Momopolitans and it'll aaaaaallll look better...

blogRfactor said...

Good thing it wasnt an ad for the World Cup! You must have been having a "bad day"

Ezzie said...

Scraps - they're the best. :)

daat y said...

'I can't believe I ate the whole thing'
(old alka-seltzer ad).
Punishment for avak palestinian.Lucky there is no Sanhedrin yet.Mum,but there is .Well here is their first shayla.

the sabra said...

nothin intelligent or humorous to add (do i ever?), just wanna let ya know jameel that you have a mean sense o humor! (as do some of ur commenters...)

(and remind me again why the general response was on the number of pizza slices eaten..?)

Anonymous said...

I hope you're not accepting money for this ad.

It seems rather poor form to publicly diss an ad that you agreed to take without anyone putting a gun to your head...

Elster said...

Absolutely classic Jameel.

The back of the hill said...

PsychoToddler said...
When I first put up google ads, my first couple of ads were for Jews for Jesus and related groups.


So if I allowed ads, what would I get? Days of Violent Prayer? Xtian Religious Publishing? Pakistani condiment sellers?

Anyhow, Jameel, the comedy that is being advertised looks like a stinker.

Who the heck watches dreck like that?!?!

The back of the hill said...

AND the accompanying photo appears to have a little girl and nymphomaniac!

The back of the hill said...

A nymphomaniac. A little girl and a nymphomaniac. Didn't mean to suggest that the little girl is a nymphomaniac, although in a few years, who knows? What on earth is that little red outfit she's wearing? And boots? This is normal? This is wholesome?

The family got issues, in any case.

And why is there a nymphomaniac on the right hand side?

The back of the hill said...

And why is the geezer holding what appears to be a gun?

Are they suggesting that Jewish families are nuts? They want to show how diverse a nuclear family can be? Guns are a part of family life?

If my older sister dressed like a nympho and my younger one wore an ugly target-red outfit, I too would buy a gun. Can't say whether to defend their honour, or shoot them for being sore thumbs.

פייגא דבורה said...

DO you think eveyone who reads this views the Mrs. with a pointy black hat and curly green hair?

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Feigey: I love the Mrs! Do you think I portray her poorly? That's awful! I will have to have a post dedicated just to her if that's the case... I just hope no one thinks what you wrote...

Balabusta in Blue Jeans said...

For some reason, your ad reminds me of a time some years ago when I was working in an office with a cute, single Jewish office manager. She was sharing an apartment with a cute, single, Jewish girl from Israel.

One day, a cute boy with curly hair, a nice Jewish face, and what I heard as an Israeli accent, showed up to show everyone how to use the new copier. I followed him into the conference room with my mind working on how to find out if he was single, and thinking he might be Syrian, because he looked like a Syrian guy I met through Hillel once. I was working out some pretty advanced shidduch techniques in my head as we went around the circle, giving our names.

"What's YOUR name?" one of us asked, as he prepared to train us to make photocopies. "Oh, sorry. I'm Ali," he said.

That deflating sound? That was the noise of my idea that his mother would be happy I was setting him up with a Jewish girl collapsing.

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