Sunday, May 06, 2007

Recycled. Keeping the JBlogosphere Green

Trying to keep our planet green (though green is sort of a moldy-ish color), I have decided to recycle.

Jack's post on the "Golden Age of the JBlogosphere" and Treppenwitz's moody post, "No one to blame but myself" reminded me of my old post written in a hotel room in California, about the "good old days of the JBlogosphere" which I never experienced.

After reading Chana's post about the honors program at Yeshiva University, I was motivated to find my admissions essay to Yeshiva College -- and found that I wasn't the only one who wrote the same essay.
"In addition to the information on this application form, what other factors would you like the committee on Admissions to consider in evaluating your candidacy? Feel free to include some of your important accomplishments, your goals, or ideas about education."

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in heat retention. I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row, conditioning my body for absurd physical exertions.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike piano playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook "Thirty-Minute Brownies" in twenty minutes. I can lecture for hours on any topic. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

I am fully licensed to operate a crane; I am a gourmet chief. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. At nights, I play my cello, and by day, numerous documentaries and telemovies are made about me. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, and yet, I receive fan mail. Last summer I toured to New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal force demonstration. I am capable of raising astronomical sums through school bake sale. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby ######, and David Copperfield all in the same day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room set that evening. I know the exact location of every item in the supermarket. I have performed covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week, and when I do sleep, I sleep in chairs. While vacationing in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have been known to make extraordinary four-course meals using only a colander and a toaster oven. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and I have earned trust in the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken to the Messiah.

But, I have never gone to college.
And then, seeing Ezzie's post on "Quotes to Live By" reminded me to add one of my favorite quotes to his comment section, said by the Wizard of Oz to the Scarecrow:
"I can't give you a brain, but I can give you a diploma"
This was an odd post. Wonder what got into me...






Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

23 comments:

Chana said...

I gave that Hugh Gallagher speech (college essay) at my school talent show (my talent being public speaking.) Everyone was laughing uproariously... :D

the only way i know said...

I've never seen this essay before!
It was FANTABULOUS!!
Who wrote it??
:D

Lurker said...

Dare I ask why the title Moby Dick is censored out?

Annie said...

I love posts like these, keep it up!

Jack's Shack said...

This was an odd post. Wonder what got into me...

Do you really want me to answer that oh master of waffles.

tnspr569 said...

Umm, wierd? Jameel, are you ok?

Neshama said...

"Oh Master of Waffles" I like the way that sounds!

daat y said...

memories!

Jack's Shack said...

"Oh Master of Waffles" I like the way that sounds!

And they taste even better.

Pragmatician said...

Odd and I think I felt a tinge of headache, but it was enjoyable all in all.

mevaseretzion said...

Dude, way to rip the hagiographic rug out from under all our feet...

If you want to see another seriously strong example, how about the gemara (in kiddushin?) with the satan and Rabbi Akiva? The satan appears as a pretty young lady and succeeds in enticing a number of amoraim to sin, and only stops them at the last second.

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