Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Hitchhikers from Hell

Hitchhiking (tremp-ing in pseudo Hebrew) in Israel is a relatively common way of getting around. It used to be even more acceptable when I was in yeshiva way back when, and there's been an overall decline in general. Except in one location -- Yesha (West Bank settlements).

Hitchhiking from the settlements is probably the #1 form of transportation, ahead of buses and private cars, since there are lots more people and teenagers than there are cars and buses.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I think I'm a relatively decent person, and try to help people when I can. The problem is that the Muqata is not the closest of places to Jerusalem, and many people love going to Jerusalem for a variety of reasons: Work, University, Sherut Leumi, Sunday morning soldiers returning to the IDF, meeting up with family and friends, parents returning from visiting their children, and just going to hang out in the Holy City.

Since I work in Jerusalem, I'm one of the instant favorites for my neighbors to call for "tremps". I've been doing this for years...and its getting more and more difficult by the day. Lets take this morning; I had 4 people who reserved in advance, and 2 more which I picked up at the "Trempiyada" (bus stop shelter) on my way out. Let's now hold this thought for a second.

As anyone who has been in a relationship knows, men and women are very different (but equal!). One interesting difference is the sense of smell. Women seem to have a very keen sense, and can detect all sorts of smells (good and bad), while men aren't as in tune and may not immediately notice the baby's diaper in the other room, or appreciate the fine aroma of a vegetable salad.

Switching back to this morning. Many times, I welcome a perfumed fragrance which enters the car, as even a male nose is capable of recognizing a pleasant scent. However, today my nose was assaulted by one of the worst smelling hitchhikers -- I can only assume they had never heard of soap, water and deodorant. The awful stench quickly engulfed (fogged up?) my van, as I felt myself turning green. I felt even worse for my female hitchhikers in the back who were probably suffering even more than me. (Now comes the fun part of living and driving in the West Bank.)

Had the Muqata been located in Beit Shemesh or Modiin, I would have just opened up the windows and let some fresh air circulate to make the trip bearable. Since the Muqata is located in an area where our Arab neighbors lob rocks at us from time to time, we have special plastic carbonite windows which are shatter resistant, and rocks usually bounce harmlessly off them.

Therefore, when driving to Jerusalem -- the windows are closed, and we stayed green for most of our hour long plus trip.

Is it worth being the "nice guy" when I get to work queasy and green?

Other fun points include:
  • I'm talking on my cellphone's speakerphone while driving. A hitchhiker also gets a call. I raise my voice so my coworkers can hear me on the phone. The hitchhiker yells even louder into his phone so he can be heard.
  • Calls at all hours of the night - "I hear you drive to Jerusalem every day, can you pick me up at my house tomorrow morning and give me a lift?" (We do have regular bus service!)
  • Hitchhikers who smoke. I usually stop the car and ask them to get out, regardless of the friendly Arab town I may be driving through. Even if they stop - they still stink.
  • Teenage Hitchhikers who vomit -- and then their parents call up to say "isn't that funny?"

Don't get me wrong - there are hitchhikers I have no problem taking at all, and even enjoy their company. But when I get a hitchhiker who talks my ear off with:

"You know, you left 20 minutes late today. If you would have left earlier like my son-in-law does every morning, you wouldn't be stuck in this annoying traffic like you are now. I hate getting stuck in traffic - what could be more annoying than being stuck in traffic on the way to work? Just think, if you wouldn't leave late like you do all the time, you wouldn't be stuck in this traffic jam..."

it can even try the patience of a seasoned road warrior.




Wherever I am, my blog turns towards Eretz Yisrael

43 comments:

Jerusalemcop said...

I definitely agree with that one. It's not only strangers that cause some of these problems on the road. Sometimes it's people you know.

When I was in the academy, I would gladly take other cops in my car with me. There were a total of 8 of us in the course from Jerusalem and we worked it out that since I was the only one with a car of my own, that whoever rode with me would pay a nominal fee each way to help pay for the gas. The others would alternate each week as to who brought a 2nd vehicle. Since we had to take our equipment with us when we went home, my car only had room for 4.

Of these eight, there were 2 people who we didn't like to take. One was a blabbermouth who screamed when he spoke and the other one was a girl who would always be late and make us wait.

For three months, this went on, week in, week out. The other driver and myself would always argue as to who would take these two. Since we were eventually going to the same place, I always felt that we couldn't just strand them, so I had the unfortunate fortune of driving the two of them most of the time.

Sometimes doing a mitzvah can be more of a challenge than we would like.

Too bad its the winter, otherwise, I'd suggest turning on the AC.

BTW, can I have a ride to Jrslm from the Muqata next time u drive there?

J.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

J-cop:

Of course you can get a ride, and you win a shabbat invite as well :-)

I'm not sure there's a mitzva to be the neighborhood free taxi service, when it starts to impact your mental and physical health.

Jerusalemcop said...

start charging for gas....

I'll have to see if i can find my "get out of the muqata free" card (and speak to the boss) (she doesn't like Ramallah too much and doesn't like getting tremps that include people who don't use deoderant

:)

J.

JoeSettler said...

We gave a tremp last year ago to someone dressed as a soldier finishing up his reserve duty.

When he got out of the car, he also swiped one of my (expensive and accidentally uninsured) pelephones that was sitting by his seat.

We're still paying the cost of the new phone.

Jerusalemcop said...

so call him and ask for the phone back

rockofgalilee said...

I don't think you can say that two species that are completely different are equal.

I've had mostly good experiences except once I gave a teenager a lift and she asked if she could call someone on my pelephone because it was dachuf (urgent) then she played teenage games on the phone (she may have thought it was dachuf), until I told her it was enough and took my phone back.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Rock: Same species, different gender. Then again - maybe it is a case of totally different species. Sort of like the Men are from Mars book.

ifyouwillit... said...

Teenagers that thow up in the car? Didn't expect to see that point thrown in there. My (former) car always had a no smoking rule, I think that is more that fair.

Robyn said...

As one of the folks standing outside various places in the country with their thumb out most of the time I would like to say a general thanks (and remind that sometimes the flip side is a bit scary as well - last time I took a tremp it was with a fellow that was literally reading over his bills, with a pen, circling etc, while "driving" down the highway - I said tfilat haderech with extra kavana)

FYI - I think it was about two years ago one of the big weekly shabbat handouts (Elon?) had a hilchot tremping... worth trying to find.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Ifyouwillit: It took forever to clean up the car. Accidents happen, but for the parents to call me up and *laugh* about it was really pathetic.

The no smoking rule is fine - but if they're in the back seat, 3 rows from you, it usually takes a few seconds before you can yell at them.


Treading Fences: I know what you mean about the scariness factor. I refuse to start driving till everyone has their seat belt on.

The hilchot tremping were by Rav Aviner if I'm not mistaken...but apparently people don't hold by it.

Ze'ev said...

What did Rav Aviner include in the Halachot of tremping?

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Elchonon: I totally understand you. I'm not anti-trempistim, but so many difficult stories (and doing this every day for years and years) is taking its toll.

In general, I have a soft spot for the trempistim in Gav Hahar and they are usually alot more polite.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

(And Elchonon, there's not going to be a bash-a-thon of Rav Aviner on my comments section - regardless of what you may think of him).

Irina Tsukerman said...

My goodness... I now understand why here in US, hitchhikers are a classic feature of horror movies... It's considered a pretty risky activity, although everything changes during special circumstance (9/11, the strike). But if the hitchhikers are so rude, isn't it possible just to throw them out? Did the ones who vomit help you clean the car at least? (Blecchhh!)

Lab Rab said...

Once more you made me laugh ... but really, are trempers that much worse mannered than anybody else?

With so many people looking for rides, and with you living in small yishuv, you ought to be able to pre-screen your passengers.

Maybe post some signs in the back seat, like the ones you see in school buses. "No smoking, eating, or snapping of rubber bands at the driver. Soap and deodorant available for a nominal charge."

stillruleall said...

The hilchot tremping by R' Aviner was printed a few times in B'Ahava V'Emuna.
A few of them I recall are:

Dont talk on the phone. If it's very important, ask permission.
Buckle up.
Remember that you are a guest in someones car, and you should act with the same respect you would act if someone invited you into their house.
I don't think there was a no smoking rule, but I think that's assumed, kind of like most yeshivas don't have a "no tattoo rule" in their rulebooks.

I tremp regularly from Bar Ilan, I think I'm a model tremper. Next time you'r passing thru Bar Ilan to Jerusalem, give me a lift and I'll show you what polite tremping is!!

Little Wolf said...

I really have nothing to add, but I did enjoy the post. (I hate that unbathed smell that some people seem to have no matter where it is, it usually makes me begin gagging.)

AMSHINOVER said...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
i could swear i heard this story before

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Still rule all: It would be my pleasure. Problem is, I don't often go that direction, but I'll have you in mind. By the way -- you were the first commenter of all time to comment at the muqata blogsite. Thanks!

ZSTA: I have no clue what the "right" stuff is. But whatever that guy was wearing today was definitely awful.


LabRab: Baruch Hashem, our yishuv isn't so small that I know everyone. The only way to really pre-screen everyone is to have a proper-nosed female take a whiff of each person before they get in. Otherwise, it would be too late.

It would probably cost me way too much for someone to do that. (Any volunteers? I think not...)

Ezzie said...

I used to hitch almost daily to and from Jerusalem. Oh, the stories...! I gotta run, you've got me excited! :)

Lab Rab said...

LabRab: Baruch Hashem, our yishuv isn't so small that I know everyone.

Somehow I had imagined you living on a hilltop outpost living in some ramshackle caravans with a few other diehard idealists ... the type of place that only a few families would be crazy enough to live in.

Yes, this despite the recent picture of your house with the flag. When you call your home the Muqata, some initial mental images just linger ...

Ezzie said...

Oh, forget it. If I start, I'll never stop. Suffice it to say that hitches included some of the most interesting, inspiring, fun, scary, and sick portions of my life. Awesome. :)

JoeSettler said...

Nearly 30 comments. You're approaching a record.

MC Aryeh said...

As a frequent tremper while living near Efrat, I was always amazed by, and had tremendous hakarat hatov for those drivers who would stop. Many trempers were very rude or inconsiderate if the driver would not take them where they wanted to go.

As a passenger, the most disconcerting thing was sitting there with just pants and a shirt next to a driver in a flak jacket and helmet!

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

LabRab: The Muqata Mystique - A small, crowded trailer atop a wind-blown hilltop amidst the mountains of the Shomron. I could write about it :-)

Actually - all that is 5 minutes from my home. I think what was most amazing to Amshinover when he visited last week was, "This place is SO normal!" (his words, not mine ;-)

MCAryeh: I stopped driving with the helment and flak jacket about 3 years ago. And for the record, I get along with most hitchhikers -- its those exceptional ones which make me crazy.

Truth said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Truth said...

jameel,

1) cure for 'stinkrider': you know those little 'trees' that you can hang from the mirror (with the powerful odour, kind of like a 'urinal cake', just a bit less biting?) You ought to keep a stock of them in your vehicle; when the 'stinkrider' climbs aboard and you get a whiff of that aroma, just break out one of those trees, take it out of the plastic, and make 'stinkrider' hold it - when they get out at the end of the ride, tell them, 'Keep it, it's a souvenir I give to special guests'.

2) 'The seasick landlubber' - the proper way to deal with this is to stock up on [unused] airsickness bags on one of your many flights. Then, you hand them out to all passengers when they come aboard, and if they try to protest, you say, 'Hold on to that, just in case. Otherwise, ride with someone else'. When the ride is over, take the bag back [if it hasn't been used], for the next session.

3) 'the yapper' - there's a 'cellphone jammer' you can aquire, the only problem is how to localise it to the passenger phones [so you can still use yours]. Maybe you ought to use the 'jammer' anyways, and just pay attention to the road... ;-)

4) 'the security problem/helmet & flackjacket' - maybe you ought to get ahold of a 'surplus' Zelda (closed APC) and convert its turbo-diesel engine to be able to use 'biodiesel' (ie, used french-fry/felaffel frier oil and such) [to make fueling it economical]. Then, you drop the rear hatch to load passengers, close it up, and you [the driver] have your own compartment, so it doesn't matter what they smell like, if they smoke [as long as you don't have any volatile explosives back there], and their cellphone won't work because of the armour. Finally, as an added bonus, if some clown barfs back there, you just make them hose it down at the end of the ride.

Hope you find these suggestions useful.

Truth.

PS - One of these days I'll have to post my own 'Proper Etiquette for Hitchhiking* in Arab Vehicles' article.

* - this word is used here in the 'commandeering' sense, rather than as in the more usual usage.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Truth: Thanks for your suggestions!

A few comments;

-The oderizing "trees" smell almost as bad (sometimes worse) than some of the passengers.

-I do collect airsickness bags from my flights to the US, exactly for this reason to keep them in my car. People don't always know which end to use.

-APC: If anyone wants to donate a Hummer to the Muqata security squad, we'd greatly appreciate it. (My kids would go bonkers too - they drool everytime they see an IDF Hummer and ask when I'm going to buy one).


Lastly, I would to stress that I'm not anti-hithchiker, and there are lots of them I actually enjoy taking. (and even wait if they're late)

Truth said...

jameel,

re: oderising "trees" - correct, note how I described the aroma ["like a 'urinal cake', just a bit less biting"]; my point was to give the odourmeister a 'hint'...

re: airsick bags: well, you can put some 'party favours' in the bag, so if the passenger is "good" [ie, doesn't yak] they have some neat parting gifts...

re: Hummer: a Hummer is just conspicuous consumption, and I think the modified Zelda would cost less in the long run due to lower maintenance costs [and anyhow, buy "blue-and-white", son, you're supposed to be a Zionist!!!]

Finally, it was obvious that you aren't anti-hitchhiker, I was just trying to help you and them enhance their experience, 8-)

Truth.

yitz said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
yitz said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
yitz said...

Hey Jameel,

I'm quite surprised that as someone who appreciates Reb Shlomo Carlebach z'l that you didn't cite his dealing with 'smelly' people. For example:

"He was about six feet two, white as a sheet, and had stringy blond hair cascading down to his shoulders. His rumpled, torn and dirty clothes emitted a DANK AND SOUR ODOR. Yet only moments before, SEEMINGLY OBLIVIOUS TO THE OFFENSIVE SMELL, Shlomo Carlebach had led the young man proudly to my side, his arm draped warmly around his shoulder, exclaiming cheerfully, "Sister Anne will gladly help you!" Shlomo whispered into my ear, "Plesae give him as much food as he wants to eat."

[skipping to the end of the story]: "I really don't know what I would have done if your Rabbi hadn't come by," the blond Texan said slowly. "I'll tell you honestly, this is the first meal I've eaten in three days. When he walked up to me & asked, 'Brother, do you need a meal?' I said to myself, this here man is surely an angel from G-d."

["Holy Brother," pp. 83-84; EMPHASES MINE].

Whenever I complain to a friend of mine of how Reb Shlomo would hug women, he would always remind me that he would also hug drunks and all kinds of people who were 'VERY SMELLY' etc...

So, you never know!!!

yitz said...

Sorry 'bout that. Apparently, in my impatience I clicked too many times, so my previous comment appeared thrice. I deleted the first two...

:))

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Yitz: Yeah, but R' Shlomo didn't hug them (the drunks and smelly ones) for an hour straight...maybe he did hug the women that long, don't know.

Being in the car with him for over an hour was pretty awful.

Anonymous said...

It's crazy how people complain when you're doing them a favor. Talk about chutzpah!

Alas, Israeli men do have a reputation for shunning soap and water. Jokes abound about Shabbos guests -- if it's an Israeli guy, burn the sheets afterwards, you'll never get the stench out. (Sorry, that's mean!)

Eitan Ha'ahzari said...

Elchonon...just one question to which the answer both u and i know: what exactly were u doing at tzomet Ashkelon? u know, we might actually know each other since i used to take part in those kinds of things.

hoping to get accepted by the army-at least for miluim-i can't say i've been too interested in political activity lately(blog not included):)

Chag Sameach Le'kulanu!

Eitan Ha'ahzari said...

whoops...Elchonon...I meant tzomet Netanya but u never mentioned that though I thought u did. Anyhow, i feel ur pain, man.

Gush Katif--NEVER AGAIN!!!

... Is the Window to Our Soul said...

So it's pronounce tremp? I always thought it was pronounce tramp, as in tramping. I have a story about my own experience tremping when I was very young and so very naive. Shortly after I moved to Israel when I was 16, I quickly became familiar with the concept of tremping, figuring if everyone does it, it must be safe, even for a 16 yr old girl. We were living up North and my dad allowed me to go to Tiberius for the day by myself. Because I had never been to Israel before or was able to recognize the difference between Arabs and Jews, I almost got myself in serious trouble. When I was leaving the beach, I was tired, I had my stuff with me and it was hot, so I decided instead of walking back to the bus station, I would try out this tremp thing. I got picked up immediately by a kid in a white covered truck and stupidly I got in. He had a friend in the back of the truck and I soon realized they were speaking arabic. He asked me if he could make one quick stop by his friend's apt before taking me to the bus station. I didn't want to be rude, so I said ok. So we go upstairs to the apt, and we are hanging out a bit, and then he tried to kiss me. I stopped it immediately and told him I wasn't interested and to please bring me to the bus station. So we left the apt, and stupidly I got back into the truck. Thank g-d, he kept his word, and drove me directly there without any harm. I don't think I ever told my dad what happen. Considering myself lucky wouldn't even come close to describing it.

(as a side-note, let it not be misunderstood that the same scenerio couldn't happen with an Israeli guy, but because they were arabs, I felt even more on guard.)

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Sweettooth120: You were very lucky!

The type of trempisitim I take are usually within my yishuv already, so neither they nor the drivers are much of a threat. Its just rude behaviour (and body odor) that makes the ride so awful.

YMedad said...

You stareted simething and as a trempist, I got you but I have loads of stories about the French Hill trempiada and how my feloow hitchhikers can barely qualify for any manners award as for example standing in the road so cars can't come close to the sidewalk so they don't block traffic which then prevents other cars from picking up people; not closing doors after finding out the car is not in their direction; getting off the city bus and then nonchalantly walking in front of everybody who have been patiently waiting for 20 minutes or more; or asking for the destination and then shutting the car door without telling the other 20 people waiting and so 5 people miss their opportunity; etc.

YMedad said...

sorry about the spelling errors in the previous comment.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

YMedad: Yes, I'm highly familier with the French Hill trempiyada, and you have my sympathies.

Keep in mind - those are trempistim going TOWARDS the yishuv and you have no clue who they are.

Mine are WAY worse - they are my neighbors and my neighbor's kids and parents. They aren't anonymous trempistim; these are people I see all the time...

Luckily, I mostly pass by French Hill's trempiyada in the AM, and go home a different route.

the sabra said...

tremping tremping tremping
the story of my life
(and the extreme worry of my mum that it will also g-d forbid be the story of my ---- )

thanks to mr muqata and all of you who let us grace your car with our presence (smelly or otherwise). what i can never get used to, is how matter of fact tremping is in israel. i am so overcome with gratitude every time i get a tremp (whether its 10 minutes or 2 hours..whether its in middle of the night, or middle of the day..whether its freezing cold, boiling hot, or nice weather..and whether we are in 'dangerous' territory or not), yet the drivers are so nonchalant about it. listen, ive been doin this steady for more than a year now and im still ever so grateful but the second i start thankin the driver, they just brush me off.
its amazing.

mi k'amcha goy yisroel

Search the Muqata

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails